Season Five, Episode Ten
"Into the Woods"
We start off the episode with a scene that is oh so familiar to me: waiting for a loved one to get out of surgery. Not too much happens, it's actually pretty funny. You prepare to have a bunch of free time and bring things to do but ultimately end up sitting there being a nervous wreck. It's pretty fun as I'm sure you all can tell by this scene.
In my opinion, Buffy is pretty lucky that this lull ends with the surgeon telling her about what occurred during the operation. There was one time where my mom was released from surgery early because she flatlined. However, we weren't told this by the surgeon because he ran away from us. No, we were told this by my mom and then some nurses confirmed it. So yay for them actually being told that Joyce is fine!
The next scene I find hysterical:
ANYA: That’s disturbing. You’re emotionally scarred and will turn out badly.
Anya is so great. First she tells Dawn that she's emotionally scarred, then tries to get her to gamble money before saying that they can bring alcohol in for her to try. She's gonna make a great mom, ain't she?
You may ask though why is Dawn even hanging out with Xander and Anya? Well, let's let her explain the reason...
Theonly reason I'm sleeping over here is so Buffy and Riley can boink...'Alone time' always translates into 'Get Dawnout of the house so we can have loud obnoxious sex.'
Does that mean we can't?
And now we get to rejoin Buffy and Riley for some sexy time. They boink and right after, Riley leaves. I sort of feel like I'm watching Barney from How I Met Your Mother. But luckily, Riley isn't the only one finding Buffy supermegafoxyawesomehot. Spike was creeping outside her house making him able to witness Riley's Barney-esque exit. Where on earth could he possibly be going...?
JOYCE: I think you have more important things to make up. I know you've been missing a lot of school...
BUFFY: I'm fine. Willow's been bringing me my work. I may have to take a few incompletes, but I'll get through the semester.
JOYCE: Well what about slaying - and your friends? I want you to get back to your life.
BUFFY: I will. I promise. But right now I'm more into being here - and styling your beautiful new plastic dream hair.
JOYCE: Fair enough. But you don't have to keep me company all night. Go have fun. Get Riley to take you to a movie or something.
BUFFY: I am having fun. Besides, I gave Riley the rest of the day off.
JOYCE: I don't think he thinks of you as a chore, Buffy.
BUFFY: Mom - I told Riley to make his own plans tonight because I wanted to have you all to myself. Okay? I can see him anytime.(then) Besides, I'm sure he'll come around later looking for some-(catches herself) Bible study.
JOYCE: (a little unsure) Well - good. As long as you two are getting come quality time with...the Lord.
A few things about this conversation intrigue me. One, on the surface Buffy appears to be a nice, considerate daughter volunteering to help her mom and stick by her side. However, I think even Joyce is able to see past this guise. Buffy's putting off responsibilities and important conversations that need to be had and emotions that need to be felt. She's moving from action to action, as she normally does, by first helping her mom cover up her scars instead of discussing the more serious topics that are more apparent than her visible scars and giving Riley the "day off" only to invite him back for sexy time. At what point will Buffy start actually talking about her feelings and emotions? And secondly, hehe time with the Lord *giggles*.
Aaaand it looks like my question of "when will Buffy listen to her heart" is going to need to be answered fairly quickly. Riley's commando buddies are planning a mission in a distant land. For my own amusement, we're going to call this Mission No One Actually Likes Riley, or MNOALR. And, just as the title of the mission suggests, this mission is going to be used to get Riley off the show since no one actually likes him. Let's see who will win the race to secure Riley for their own
Now back to sexy time! Only this time, it's occurring with Spike. Please, someone go check to make sure Kali's still breathing after reading that last sentence. I'm just kidding Kali, Buffy would never sleep with Spike
Wait, are you saying he doesn't take her on a magic carpet and show her the world? *Sigh* okay, fine. Spike takes her to a vampire whore house (not to be confused with the whore house Joss also creates on Firefly or the Dollhouse which basically is a whore house as well. Why does Joss love whore houses so much?) Inside this whore house, Buffy sees Riley being taken advantage of by an anorexic vampire chick.
Looks like Riley's got two helpings of sexy time
Now, since we are dealing with Buffy here, she obviously sits Riley down and they both have a heart-to-heart talk about their emotions. Ha, I'm just kidding. Buffy just beats up everyone who enters her path.
Buffy and Riley each go to their respective homes where Buffy mopes alone and Riley is greeted by his third group of sexy time partners.
We now interrupt the issues looming over the horizon to bring you Where There is Anya, There is Hilarity time:
ANYA: Who ordered more chicken's feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.
XANDER: That' generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.
ANYA: I'm serious... Maybe we should do a holiday promotion - one free with every purchase.
GILES: Ah yes, what dear holiday memories. Joyful tykes by the fire, enjoying their new Christmas chicken feet.
WILLOW: (teasingly) Holding them close as they fall asleep, painting their tiny toenails...
ANYA: Oh, yes. Very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear youin private: "I dislike that Anya. She is newly-human and strangely literal."
WILLOW: What? I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks like that.
ANYA: There is nothing wrong with my idea, anyway. I have been very good for this store. If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrifiedold man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.
GILES: I say, that's an exaggeration--
WILLOW: Anya, you've helped out a lot, but I have too.
ANYA: Yes, that's right. I forgot about all the vigorous sitting around.
XANDER: (to Anya) Hey, Ahn, you can back off a little. You get paid. Willow's doing this on her own time.
ANYA: (sweetly) I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.
XANDER: Anya! Play nice!
ANYA: Fine! Take her side instead of mine. Even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you and bathes you!
WILLOW: She bathes you?
XANDER: (embarrassed) Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way. Not in a sponge-bathy, geriatric sort of-
GILES:(cutting him off) Please. Stop. I beg of you.
And before we even have time to stop laughing and catch our breathe, Buffy rushes in ready to kill all the things. She asks Giles about vamp whore houses and he acts pretty nonchalant about them. However, Buffy is ANGRY and angry people must KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES so she tells the gang that they can join her if they want, but she's going now. Everyone follows her psychopathic lead while Anya stays behind to watch the shop.
Have a nice day. Don't get killed!
The scoobies find the whore house in a vacant state. She's still very angry and shows off some skillz she's learned from Seamus Finnigan about pyrotechnics. And why she is off setting things on fire, Riley is off STAKING SPIKE. Or, you know, tricking Spike into thinking that the stake is actually wooden.
After the almost killing nature of their meeting, they each share a drink and discuss their Buffy woes. Spike tells Riley that he's not the long haul guy and that she needs a little monster in her man. Riley asks if Spike actually thinks he has a shot, to which he says no. And this is why I like Spike; he's very realistic about love; also very similar to Riley. They each understand that love is not enough and neither of them, as much as it kills them to admit this, will ever be with Buffy long-term.
FINALLY Riley goes to talk to Buffy. Of course, maybe he should wait until she's not beating things up so damn much. Although, I guess that would mean that they'd never be able to talk...
I'm actually going to sort of ignore most of their fight/explanations for their actions because I think we all pretty much get what's going on. Well, all of us except for Buffy herself. Riley went to the vamp whore house because his relations with them satisfied mutual needs. Buffy doesn't understand this at all, but it's pretty clear. Buffy could really use a reading of the Warlock's Hairy Heart from The Tales of Beedle the Bard. As a quick recap for those who haven't read the story, it's about a warlock who removed his heart from his chest and kept it locked up in his basement. He did this to protect himself but then when he decided he wanted it back in order to love a woman, the heart wouldn't work and it lead him to kill the woman he wanted to love in order to try using her heart as his own which didn't work and lead to both of them dying.
Buffy is extremely guarded and really isn't letting Riley in and, quite honestly, isn't really letting anyone in. She just goes through the motions of caring but doesn't actually feel them wholeheartedly. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad trait to have. Within her line of work, it's only natural that this would be how she would act and react to others care and concern. In this season in particular we'll see just how messy her job becomes once her emotions and the ones she loves are drawn into the fire. However, within relationships, she has to realize that this is how she behaves and works extra hard to not fall into her normal emotional range of a teaspoon because this normal range for her keeps others at a distance which leads to her partners acting just as Riley did. Neither of them were wrong and neither were right with their actions because they were just that: actions. The only way to truly settle their issues is by communicating with neither did and it lead them to where they are now.
So Buffy is obviously upset because Riley offers her the ultimatum of working things out tonight or he's leaving for MNOALR. Her first course of action is, of course, to stake some vamps. Luckily for her, Xander is creeping in the shadows, ready to come to the rescue.
BUFFY: Just leave me alone, Xander. You have no idea what's going on.
XANDER: No? Good. So you and Riley aren't imploding? Doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you didn't see it coming?
BUFFY: What? Who told you-
XANDER: Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It's been right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you-
BUFFY: (cutting him off) The guy got himself bit by a vampire! He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself killed. And now he has the nerve to tell me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight, unless I convince him not to. No tell me you "understand" - because I sure as hell don't.
XANDER: Are you going to let him go?
BUFFY: It's not my decision if he wants to take off--
XANDER: Of course it is.
BUFFY: Well, that's not fair!
XANDER: Who cares if it's fair? In about twenty minutes Riley's gonna disappear -- maybe forever -- unless you do something to stop him.
BUFFY: What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?
XANDER: Why wouldn't you? To keep Riley here, you wouldn't --
BUFFY: I don't even know who he is! I mean he's... I thought Riley was dependable --
XANDER: Dependable? What is he, State Farm?
BUFFY: You know what I mean.
XANDER: Yeah, I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to and take off when you didn't.
BUFFY: Look who's talking! You've got Anya following you around like a love sick puppy --
XANDER: Oh boy is this not about me --
BUFFY: Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that'd be kind of a surprise.
XANDER: If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now.
BUFFY: Good. 'Cause --
XANDER: I lied. See, what I think? You got burned with Angel. Then Riley shows up-
BUFFY: I know the story, Xander.
XANDER: But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy, when he's the one who comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you - he's risked it all - and you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? If what he needs from you just isn't there - for God's sake, let him go. But if it is? If you can go deeper... Let him get to know that raw, unguarded heart you tried to put away... Maybe you'd better risk something too. Okay. So he's drawn the line. Good. Cause either this is the end - or maybe it's the beginning. It's up to you.
Buffy looks at Xander with stunned tears in her eyes.
BUFFY: Xander-
XANDER: Run.
XANDER: No? Good. So you and Riley aren't imploding? Doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you didn't see it coming?
BUFFY: What? Who told you-
XANDER: Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It's been right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you-
BUFFY: (cutting him off) The guy got himself bit by a vampire! He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself killed. And now he has the nerve to tell me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight, unless I convince him not to. No tell me you "understand" - because I sure as hell don't.
XANDER: Are you going to let him go?
BUFFY: It's not my decision if he wants to take off--
XANDER: Of course it is.
BUFFY: Well, that's not fair!
XANDER: Who cares if it's fair? In about twenty minutes Riley's gonna disappear -- maybe forever -- unless you do something to stop him.
BUFFY: What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?
XANDER: Why wouldn't you? To keep Riley here, you wouldn't --
BUFFY: I don't even know who he is! I mean he's... I thought Riley was dependable --
XANDER: Dependable? What is he, State Farm?
BUFFY: You know what I mean.
XANDER: Yeah, I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to and take off when you didn't.
BUFFY: Look who's talking! You've got Anya following you around like a love sick puppy --
XANDER: Oh boy is this not about me --
BUFFY: Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that'd be kind of a surprise.
XANDER: If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now.
BUFFY: Good. 'Cause --
XANDER: I lied. See, what I think? You got burned with Angel. Then Riley shows up-
BUFFY: I know the story, Xander.
XANDER: But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy, when he's the one who comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you - he's risked it all - and you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? If what he needs from you just isn't there - for God's sake, let him go. But if it is? If you can go deeper... Let him get to know that raw, unguarded heart you tried to put away... Maybe you'd better risk something too. Okay. So he's drawn the line. Good. Cause either this is the end - or maybe it's the beginning. It's up to you.
Buffy looks at Xander with stunned tears in her eyes.
BUFFY: Xander-
XANDER: Run.
And so she does. However, in true Joss fashion, she's mere seconds too late.
Now before we watch Buffy and Riley experience all the sads, Xander has something to say to Anya:
XANDER: I need to say something to you. I should have said it a long time ago. I mean, you may not even know... I love you, Anya, more every day. I love the way you see things. I love the way you work a cash register and how beautiful you are - and how amazingly sweet and crazy you can be at the same time...I can't imagine my days without you - and I wouldn't want to.
And we close the episode with Xander about to get some sexy time of his own while Buffy and Riley continue their sads, alone.
Before I part with you all I have one more thing I'd like to add. As much as Xander can be annoying or feel useless or, quite frankly, even be a jackass at times. He always proves why he deserves to be a scooby. In a pinch, he's always the one that's their to quietly save the day without the need for recognition of his heroic and life changing actions. He's a true friend and a greatly under appreciated member of the gang.
Again, thanks to you all for sticking with us during our very, very long absence. Next time I am very pleased to be bringing Triangle to you. God, do I love that episode!
-Sarah
P.S. As previously stated, the next three episodes are mine, ALL MINE! So, as a quick guide, here's a brief synopsis of my schedule so that way you know when you can expect the next episode until we work our way back to a more concrete schedule that you guys can rely on.
Friday: I start work, have grad school orientation, and a birthday dinner
Saturday: TODAY IS MY 20TH BIRTHDAY! I'LL BE CELEBRATING MY BIRTH AT DISNEYLAND!
Sunday: I'LL STILL BE AT DISNEYLAND!
Monday: I have work and start graduate school
Tuesday: Same as Monday
Wednesday: Work
Thursday: Same as Monday and Tuesday
Friday: Same as Wednesday
Saturday & Sunday: I have nothing currently planned so hopefully I will have time to create and post the next episode on one of these days.
However, if I receive my Pottermore email on any of these days, nothing else holds any importance to my life and I will be forced to drool over Jo's new canon as well as my official house sorting and Hogwarts attending all day.
