The Body

I've been waiting to do this episode for a while because it's so beautifully done. Kali and I planned how we were going to work it a few weeks in advance even because we wanted to do it well and not just get it done. Never did I imagine that, a week or so prior to this episode's write up, I'd find my mother passed away in her bed. When it happened a piece of me wanted to watch The Body immediately and another piece never wanted to watch it again. I ended up telling my sister, Samantha, this and she felt the same but we both ultimately decided to watch the episode once we returned home around 4-5 hours after finding our mother.

Obviously, my write up is going to be very different than how I originally intended it to be. As much as I want to forget everything I saw, I also want to make sure I remember every single second of it. Because of this, my write up will be how my own reactions paralleled to the character's within the episode. Be warned: I'm not going to censor myself as I'm writing this to preserve my memory and using this outlet as my pensieve, if you will. If you don't wish to hear about the details involving first finding my mother, skip past my write up paralleling Buffy as I'll try to keep most of those details tied with her (for obvious reasons.) If by chance I do bring up these types of details elsewhere, I will envelope the section with asterisks.

And now, without further ado, here is my review of The Body written from the experience of recently losing my mother.

Buffy

On Saturday morning, May 14th, I was preparing for my graduation ceremony. I did not want to walk but I knew my mom wanted to watch me and, to be honest, I really wanted her to watch and tell me how proud she was of me. I got ready by putting on my cap and gown and leaving the house to drive and pick up my mother, since she is unable to drive because of her disabilities, with my sister. Before leaving the house, we called once and my mom didn't answer; I left a message believing she was sleeping since it was 7am. On the way to her place, which is a 15 minute drive, I called probably around 12-15 more times. My sister and I even joked about what we'd do if we found her dead. (Back story: this joking sounds bad, but our mother has literally been sick our entire lives and there have been many, many times we have been told that a) she'd pass away or b) we'd have to make the decision to stop treatment. Growing up like this made us turn to humor in the moments when we had no idea what was going on and had no way of immediately making sure she was okay.)

At 7:35am we arrived at my mom's. We parked and started walking to the house. We didn't have keys on us and our mom was OCD about locking doors. Sam was ahead of me and, next thing I know, I see her open the front door. I get to the porch and hear my sister yell my name. I walk into the apartment, turn the corner to enter my mom's room, and see my sister shaking her and shouting her name. She throws her phone and I immediately pick it up to dial 911. I tell Sam to check for a pulse and when she said she forgot how she left the room and I reached for her arm only to discover how cold it was. 911 answered and I said "I think my mom's dead." They asked the normal informational questions and then asked if I could get my mom to lie flat. I said no because her arm had fallen behind the night stand and my mom was a very heavy woman (she'd kill me if I said how much she weighed; I actually thought that as I told the 911 person how much she approximately weighed to get my point across.) They asked if I could move her to the floor and I said it was a 2 foot fall from her bed.

They then told me how to do chest compressions. I did it once and then started pacing because I knew it was pointless and she felt so...inhuman. It felt wrong to touch her at all. They asked if I was still doing compressions which reminded me I had stopped looking at my mom. I went back to her and looked at her face. I noticed her eyes were half-open and her bottom lip was blue with her chin light shades of purple. I told the 911 operator about her lips and she asked if I thought there was nothing that could be done to save her. I remember getting a bit hysterical and telling her that I didn't know and to still send someone because I wasn't a doctor. Six minutes later, at 7:41, the paramedics entered the house. They walked to her room but didn't even touch her before walking out and closing the door behind them. I stood in front of them and said they needed to put her back because we were going to be late to my graduation. They told me that they're sorry but they couldn't and they guided me to our couch.

Comparing this to Buffy's perspective it is creepy how similar they were. I remember, while my sister was shaking my mom and I grabbed her phone, I looked at my mom's face and could have sworn I saw her wake. My mom actually passes out quite a bit and it was always the same deal. We'd find her, eyes half-open and rolled back, leaning to the left and falling over her nightstand. We'd shake her and yell mom until she opened her eyes and told us that she wasn't sleeping. She was a stubborn woman and she'd refuse to believe that she was sleeping or had passed out. Anyways, this situation reminded me of when the medics came and Buffy had the daydream about coming to the rescue and saving her mom's life. I wanted so badly for this to be the case, even though I knew the moment we walked into her place that she was gone.

One thing I'm very envious of Buffy for is the fact that she threw up. I cannot even begin to explain to those of you who haven't gone through this situation of finding someone's body how sick it makes you feel. My grandfather passed away in 2005 and I wasn't there while he passed and I don't remember feeling this way so I don't know whether it happens upon finding a body or losing someone you truly love. For right now, I'm just going to refer to it as the sickness you feel upon finding the body.

I actually kept thinking in my head "this was so easy for Buffy, why can't I just be sick!" My hand that touched her would not stop feeling ice cold as her body had and everything hurt all at once. I felt so much like I had to throw up but couldn't and it irritated the hell out of me. Buffy was lucky in that regard.

Another parallel I made was with the focusing on insignificant things as she did with the numbers on the phone. When the coroner came a 8:35 (my mom's legal time of death) she had to do paperwork. At one point Samantha, who is the oldest, had left to answer a call (we were calling everybody all at once.) When she had left, the coroner asked if I was over 18 so I could sign off identifying that the body was my mother's. Or at least I think that's what I signed, here's where the parallel comes into play. She handed me the paper and a pen. I looked at the sheet and three words seemed to lift off the page: Sheri (my mom's name), daughter, and deceased. I read those words and picked up the pen to sign my name.

Giles
I didn't really have any connections with Giles actions towards the news since it's sort of difficult to be Buffy (aka the one who lost someone important) and Giles (aka the one who comes to the rescue) at the same time. I've had many different people fall in and out of Giles' role for me though. The main person though has been my sister. Unfortunately for her, as the older one, she's felt the need to sort of shelter the blow for me, I guess. Death comes with many stupid responsibilities such as calling social security to report the death, calling doctors, etc. Luckily for me, I was really only performing these tasks if I wanted to help to make me feel better but I wasn't expected to do them as much as I believe she was.

Willow
Her reaction would be really difficult for me to follow since she played the part of the best friend having no idea how the hell to help Buffy. But clothes were a big deal as they were with Willow. I kept making a really big deal out of what I wore whether it was a shirt my mom loved or even remembering to wear clean socks. It's really amazing how little you care about cleaning and everything during times like these and, in fact, how much they make things worse. At least for me, when I set out to pick up my clothes, papers, etc. I felt worse because it made it seem as if real life were continuing. Living within a messy house is temporary and made this whole experience feel the same way. It was comforting but I kept needing to remind myself to wear clean clothes like my mom would have made me do.

Xander
As Kali can tell you, I went through a little Xander period where I wanted to hit and yell at things/people. I didn't do anything because I realized that I'm annoyingly good natured and Hermione-esque when it comes to doing things you shouldn't. It made me angry but I'm glad I didn't actually punch my fist through a wall because I would have hurt myself very badly.

Anya
This phase for me has come more and more as the days go by. As I sit here writing this, it is the month anniversary of my mom's passing. I'd say this week especially it's really been confusing for me how this happened and why my mom will never get to drink fruit punch again (even though she never would have had any fruit punch herself.) I've been upset and wondering why my mom passed away instead of other random people that annoy me or that I don't even really know. Why is it okay that other people have their parents to help them while I don't.

It's hurt a lot and I'm not sure when this phase of Anya-esque behavior will go away. My guess is it will stay around for quite a while...

Tara
Tara's reaction has really hit close to home. I remember watching this episode a lot before and I always thought I understood her reaction and what she told Buffy about wanting to do/think things that may be strange but I don't think I ever really understood it until now. A few hours after getting home from my mom's that day, I called her phone thinking there was a chance she'd actually answer and left a message for her. I've done/thought many strange things that are comforting to me even though they aren't logical at all. Like a song coming on the radio meaning that she's watching me or seeing a relection of a rainbow (she loved rainbows) meaning that I was doing the right thing.

It's been very strange because I'm naturally ruled greatly by logic and most of what I'm doing contains no logic at all. However, my current belief is that if it makes me feel better and there's no way to logically prove that it I'm incorrect than I can allow myself to believe that I'm right. Honestly, none of it really matters anyways. Tons of people, especially if they're religious, believe a lot of things about death, afterlife, etc. and it really makes no sense to me. The only time you can know if you're right or wrong about your beliefs is after you pass away when it doesn't even matter anymore. I don't care if my mom is actually watching me; I'm fine believing a lie.

Dawn
My sister has been acting more like Dawn than I have. Even though we both went to visit my mom and look at her body after she passed before she was cremated my sister was much more demanding about doing this than I was. It was very weird seeing her and there were times when I chose not to; for example, when they took my mom out of her room in a bag I hid in my room while Sam watched them carry her out. I think I behaved more as Buffy did where she saw her mom's body but didn't really go out of her way to see it and that it just sort of happened. Every chance Sam got to see my mom she took and, whenever it wasn't offered, she asked while I sort of just went along for the ride with her but would have been okay only seeing her once more at the funneral home before she was cremated instead of the 2-3 times my sisterhad us go in to see her. Seeing the body helps a bit make this feel more real but it also is a very, very hard image to shake and now I feel as if most of my memories are with a dead body rather than my mom while she was alive. My memories actually mirror the dinner scene at the begining of this episode pretty well. I'll think of an event or something with my mom that was good and it'll be interrupted by images of her as I found her that morning or saw her at the funeral home.

So there you go guys. I hope you enjoyed this weird post about The Body. Hopefully I can get back to not getting word vomit every five minutes about my mom soon. But until then, I suggest making a drinking game out of it and take a shot everytime I say something about her. It should get you nice and drunk.

Does This Blog Still Exist?

*Looks around* What is this? It appears to be a supermegafoxyawesomehot blog but it hasn't been updated at all recently. These Wits suck! 

We don't suck! We've been busy! REALLY BUSY!

Buffy should always be a priority. You both must not like this show enough. 

Yes we do! We love Buffy more than anything (besides perhaps Harry Potter)

Then why did you guys stop blogging?

Well, you see, Kali is an insane person and works like 4 jobs and never has anytime to do anything anymore while Sarah is busy with graduate school so she can get smarter and become even more irritating with all the random crap she knows. We're both trying really hard, but it's difficult. :(

So when should we be able to expect a new post? 

This is a hard question to answer. You see, Kali is the next writer up to bat and as we've said she's a very busy little turtle. However, we'll both work on discussing when we'll have time this week and try to get a new schedule in place. We can't promise anything, but hopefully we can find some time to get back to work on this blog because we both really miss Buffy!

Did you guys see the new Hunger Games trailer? 

Hell yeah we did! Actually, that's a GREAT idea! While you wait for us, go watch this trailer  about 50 times. It's soooooooo good.

Remember that we still love you all very much! *hugs* We'll see you for more Buffy blogging fun soon =D

-Sarah

Episode 13: Blood Ties

Ugh, sorry guys. I forgot this week is high holidays for us Chosen Ones (meaning Jews, not Slayers). Because of this I've had dinner every night with different groups of people which has kept me from being able to watch and write for you guys. But don't worry, I'm back with my recap of:

Season Five, Episode Thirteen

"Blood Ties"

The scoobies begin by sorting through what they know about Glory which is:

1. She's crazy
2. She's immortal
3. She's a god
4. She sucks people's brains to get energy within this dimension
5. They are all screwed

And with the music change, it's pretty easy to tell where the episode is heading: learning who the key is to be better prepared for Glory. Without realizing it, they are all asking that Buffy do something that she reeeeeeeally doesn't want to do; and for some good reasons. She's afraid of them knowing that Dawn's the key because they might treat her differently. Also, it's some very serious information that could get them into trouble with Glory if she suspects they know something *cough* this might be relevant in a future episode *cough*.

Buffy makes a silly decision telling them that her and Giles know about the key but didn't tell them. However, she comes clean moments after and now all the scoobies know about Dawn.

And now there's chanting! And mass murder! Boy, will this episode be fun; cue the intro!

And now that they know about Dawn, let's see how they act around her:


Willow & Tara: Awkward
Anya: YOU MAKE A VERY PRETTY LITTLE GIRL
Xander: Too busy needing help with his thing 


Huh, so as of right now I think Buffy is being proven right in fearing telling her friends. We'll keep track of the score throughout the episode before making our final judgement.

OH LOOK, PARTY TIME!



WILLOW: See, just what you needed. (Blows bubbles)
BUFFY: You are very, very wise. Now gimme, gimme, gimme! (Tara hands her a gift. Buffy begins ripping off the paper.)
ANYA: This is extremely suspenseful! I want the presents.
Buffy pulls out a dress.
BUFFY: Ohh ... it's beautiful. Thank you, guys.
TARA: Well, we thought you'd get lots of crossbows, other killy stuff.
WILLOW: Yeah, so we figured, less killy, more frilly.
ANYA: Gotta look. (Grabs the dress from Buffy) Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine!
Everyone gives her a look.
ANYA: (quietly) Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing. (puts the dress down)
GILES: I'm fairly certain I wasn't. (whispers to Xander) I've got one just like it.


Raise your hand if you love Giles *raises hand*

And now it's time for Dawn's gift: a sweet picture frame with a picture of a memory that was implanted into everyone's brain. How lovely. Don't worry, there's more awkwardness ahead.

After the present opening, Dawn walks around realizing everyone acts weird once she enters the room. So she does the only rationally think she can think of.



DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around?
XANDER: Me? Me not weird.
DAWN: I'm not an idiot. I know you're talking about me.
XANDER: No, no, we really weren't.
ANYA: (fake voice) We were talking about sex.
DAWN: (to Joyce) They were talking about me, just like everybody is.
XANDER: Again, not so much. In fact, none.
ANYA: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff-
JOYCE: Um...
XANDER: Anya!
ANYA: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd-
BUFFY: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now.
DAWN: Oh. Right. Of course. Can't let Dawn hear anything. (angry) Fine. I'm just gonna go to bed. That way I won't accidentally get exposed to, like, words.



Who believes that Dawn is actually going to bed? Nobody? Good, because if you did then you definitely should not be the parent of a teenager. Luckily she runs into Spike as she's sneaking out of the house. She tells him of her plans to go to the Magic Box and steal things and he tags along to help protect her.

Uh-oh, she plans on stealing Giles's notes. This can't end well...

She finds it and starts piecing it together. Only those outside of reality can detect it? Check.  The key is also susceptible to necromanced animal detection, particularly those of canine or serpent construct? Check.


SPIKE: (frowns at book) "The monks possessed the ability to transform energy, bend reality." Blah, blah, blah. (looks at Dawn) Good lord, Giles writes as dull as he talks, doesn't he? (back to book) "They started work. But the Council ... has suggested ... to us that they were interrupted. Presumably by ... Glory." (Dawn continues staring into the distance as she listens) "They obviously did manage to accomplish the taste..." (looks closer) "accomplish the task. They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her ... in human form. In the form of a sister." Huh! I guess that's you, nibblet.

Dun Dun DUN

We interrupt this important revelation to bring you this amazingly adorable moment:

BUFFY: Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Birthdays without boyfriends. It could be just as much fun.
WILLOW: Preaching to the choir here, baby. (smiles at Tara)

We shall now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Oh, look. Dawn seems to be handling this well; she just sliced up her arm. 

Everyone leaves the party so Buffy and Joyce can talk to Dawn. 

DAWN: (softly, not looking up) Why didn't you tell me?
BUFFY: We were going to. It just... (trails off. Dawn gives her an angry look)
JOYCE: We thought it would be better if we waited until you were older.
DAWN: How old am I now?
JOYCE: You're fourteen, sweetheart, you know that.
DAWN: No. The monks. When did ... when did they ... (trails off)
BUFFY: Six months ago.
DAWN: (trying to hold back tears) I've only been alive for six months, huh?
JOYCE: Honey, you've been alive a lot longer than that to us.
DAWN: You don't know that! You don't know anything. I'm, I'm just a key, right? Everything about me is made up.
BUFFY: Dawn ... (sits on the bed next to Dawn) Mom and I know what we feel. I know I care about you. I know that I worry about you-
DAWN: You worry about me because you have to. I'm your job. Protect the key, right?
BUFFY: I worry because my sister is cutting herself!
DAWN: Yeah? How do you know? Maybe this is just another fake memory from my fake family.
JOYCE: Sweetheart-
DAWN: Get out.
BUFFY: Dawn...
DAWN: Get out, get out, get out!




Buffy tells Giles they need to find out more about the key so Dawn can know about where she comes from but he's still confused on how she found out. He doesn't have to guess for long though because Anya is going to find a cigarette in some of the merchandise.

And it takes all of two seconds for Buffy to go and attack Spike.


BUFFY: How could you let her find out like that? From books and papers? You hate me that much?
SPIKE: I was just along for the ride. Not like I knew she was mystical glowy key thing. Nobody keeps me in the bloody loop, do they?
BUFFY: (bangs the lid, steps back) You could have stopped her.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah, here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, blondie. (Heaves the lid up off of him, tossing it aside) If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with big bad looking over her shoulder.
BUFFY: (glares at him silently for a moment) She shouldn't have found out like that.
SPIKE: You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? (angrily) Maybe if *you* had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick The Spike.


He has a point about this. The issue is highly complex but she can't blame Spike for her finding out the way she did. It was her idea and he was just keeping her safe while she went through with it because she'd have done it with or without him.

Meanwhile, Dawn is freaking the eff out. She's yelling at everyone, getting suspended from school, and, obviously, she has to overhear this:



JOYCE: (OS) She yelled at a teacher. The things she said, Buffy, I mean she never used language like that
BUFFY: (OS) She probably feels like she can say or do anything right now. She's not real. We're not her family, we don't even know what she is.

To which she takes all her journals and burns them before running away. However, if she had stayed to finish listening in, she would have heard this:

JOYCE: How can you talk about Dawn as if she's a thing?
BUFFY: I'm not! I'm just ... saying that's probably how she feels.
JOYCE: Well, then we have to show her that it isn't true. She needs to know that she's still a part of this family and that we love her.
BUFFY: It's not that simple! We're not gonna be able to fix this with a hug and a kiss and a bowl of soup! Dawn needs to know where she came from, she needs real answers.
JOYCE: (sits) What she needs is her sister, Buffy, not the Slayer.
BUFFY: The Slayer is the only thing standing between Dawn ... and this god from the bitch dimension that wants to shove her in some kind of lock and give her a good twirl. Mom, I need to be out there, doing my job


God, is this one big mess. A whole bunch of big questions need to be answered: What's necessary to know about yourself in order to feel whole? What constitutes a person being a person? How much can we, or should we, rely on our memories?

And while we're all trying to formulate answers to them, Dawn is breaking into the mental ward of the hospital. Luckily, Ben finds her and she starts talking to him about her issues. And this can't possibly go wrong because there is no way that he's---

OMG HE TURNED INTO GLORY! 

(And look how funny the transformation looks. Lulz)

Glory is asking Dawn if she knows where Buffy is keeping her key. Dawn is stalling by asking what the key looks like and getting her to talk as long as she can in hopes that--

OH LOOK, BUFFY'S HERE! 

And with the help of the scoobies, Dawn is saved from Glory! But it's thanks to Buffy herself for saving Dawn from herself

BUFFY: Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
DAWN: Why do you care?
BUFFY: Because I love you. You're my sister.
DAWN: No I'm not.
BUFFY: Yes you are. (Lifts Dawn's arm, so we can see her arm and hand are still bloody) Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood. 

It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or, or how you got here. You are my sister. (pause) There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.

I'm not crying; there's just something in my eye...

Dawn tries telling Buffy about Ben but she can't really remember what happened to him...what's with that? It's as if Joss is just doing a lot of foreshadowing or something. 

ANYWAYS

Thus ends my long string of posts. Stay tuned next week for Kali's episode recap of Crush. 

Until next time,

Sarah

Episode 12: Checkpoint

Season Five, Episode Twelve

"Checkpoint"

It's time for a Scooby meeting! Giles was able to score some information about Glory from the council. Or at least will score some information once the council comes to Sunnydale to tell them what they've discovered. The world freaks out and Tara doesn't understand why because Watchers should just be like "other Gileses." However, before she learns how wrong she is, I'd like to point out how amazing she looks:

Look at her hair!

Everyone done swooning? Okay, good! Now Buffy goes back to freaking out saying that the council almost killed her and she doesn't want them here. And she does have a point. As Willow pointed out, the last time they tried to kill her they thought she was Faith but the time before that in Helpless? What was their excuse then? Buffy rehashing these stories worries Anya who doesn't believes that they will be ex-demon compatible.

Buffy continues freaking the hell out saying that it's a delicate time since she has to take care of Dawn...but, as Xander points out, she's always had to take care of Dawn. And then she freaks out more when she finds out Dawn was listening in but, as Willow points out, what's she gonna do? "set the Junior High buzzing with 'There's a delegation a-comin'?'"

We then switch over to Glory who has a killer migraine that can only be cured by sucking someone's brain. So basically just your run of the mill migraines that everyone get. Anyways, after she's cured she discusses with her ugly minion how she needs to find the key and she's going to use "Mousy the Vampire Slayer" to figure out where it is.

And now it's party time at The Magic Box! And there ain't no party like a Council party because a Council party, well, isn't any fun...

They start off their party by going through the store and pointing out everything wrong with it and which items should be removed. They then move onto the second stage of their grand ole' time: closing the store!

"Customers, please bring your money back!"

After Anya gets upset, the Council announces who they are and she very abruptly leaves. After, they announce that the reason for their visit is because they have vital, but delicate, information and they needs to do a review in order to know that Giles and "his Slayer" can handle it. But don't worry, Buffy has acquired "remarkable focus":

PROFESSOR ROBERTS: I assure you, there's near consensus in the academic community regarding Rasputin's death-

BUFFY: There was near consensus about Columbus too, until someone asked the Vikings what they were up to in the 1400's and they were like - "discovering this America-shaped continent."

Now this is a bit strong but Buffy does have a point. She's in college and has opinions and her suggesting to come at things from a different perspective should not have been made fun of so harshly by this professor. This gives us some insight as to how the Council review is going to unfold. These old academics believe they deserve respect because of the work they've put in. However, Buffy doesn't deserve the same respect because in their eyes she's just a student. Buffy keeps fighting with authority figures because it doesn't seem fair or right that they get respect because they've earned a title whereas she isn't warranted any because of the title given to her.

But don't worry, Buffy's going to take some of her anger out on the next vamp she meets; just like always. However, Spike ends up staking the vamp for her. Uh-oh, poor guy. Buffy is very angry and she didn't need his help! He made a boo boo by coming to her rescue.

We move over from angry!Buffy to grumpy!Ben. Glory's minion approaches Ben to ask that he gets closer to the Slayer since she would like more information on her. Ben doesn't think he knows the Slayer but once the minion tells him that her name is "Buffy something" it registers: Buffy Summers is the Slayer. However, I doubt he's going to be willing to help her. He announces that he has a message for Glory too and the screen cuts to black.

And now back to The Magic Box where Buffy walks in and sees the Council. She tries to leave since she's already had a bad day but they stop her. Everything is pretty boring with them explaining their stupid rules to her and what is going to take place. However, things get adorable when Giles gets angry and begins yelling at Travers saying that she's not their bloody instrument. Poor guy, he just wants to protect Buffy from these pricks but he holds no power over them. In fact, they announce how much power they hold over them by saying that, if they don't follow by their rules, they'll close The Magic Box and send Giles back to England. Again with annoying people with earned titles demanding Buffy's respect. How annoying...

GILES: It's a power play, is what it is. It's all about who has the power.
BUFFY: I'm guessing they do. Big power outage in Buffy County.
GILES: I should've set you loose on 'em, that's what I should've done.
BUFFY: Giles, that guy Travers, he's like sixty something years old. I can't hit him. Can I?
GILES: I suppose not. But I bloody well could. Think I will.
BUFFY: Can they really do the stuff they threatened to do? Kick you out of the country?

GILES: In a hot second. They're all right when it comes to the rough stuff, a little ham-handed but they get it done. But this stuff, bureaucracy, pulling political strings, paperwork... this is where they're the best in the world. They can kill you with a stroke of the pen. Poncy buggers.

This is a big issue within the entire series of Buffy and frankly all of Joss' work: power lies within the bureaucracy. What this means is that while Buffy and the scoobies hold knowledge about demons and have the ability to save the world and should hold the power, they don't because they don't have the paperwork to prove it. Welcome to the world where shit is really annoying most of the time.

We'll go back from this intensely informative moment into more adorableness: Buffy telling Giles that they worked the right angle with her because she can't lose him. D'awwwwwww.

Buffy ends by asking Giles where they're going to start and the answer to this is with the interogation of her friends! God, do I love this part!

Anya: Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.
Philip: (taking notes) So, you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes?
Anya: Yes.
Philip: Fine, now we can get to the questions.

Nigel: Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Tara: O-o-our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. We're ... lovers. (puts hand on Tara's knee) We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Tara: Um, just good friends.

Xander: Best friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and uh, done demon research with her and everything.
Philip: Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years?
Xander: No.
Philip: So, you have no special skills, or powers, or knowledge that you bring to the mix. Neither of you.
Anya: Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons.
Xander: I don't have any powers, but I do help.
Philip: How? Be specific.
Xander: Last year, uh, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. (laughs nervously) We merged, and I was the heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as-weird thing.
Anya: I'm told it was all very professional.

Nigel: Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often?
Willow: No, no, she doesn't need help.
Tara: She'd be fine without us. Sometimes she goes off and does stuff without even telling us.
Willow: Not that she's like a, a weird loner or anything.
Tara: I'm not sure we're saying this right.
Willow: See, here's the thing. We, we can help because we do magicks. I'm working on this ball of sunshine thing. See, I have this theory.
Tara: It's very cool.
Willow: A-and if it works, easier slaying for Buffy. Not that it's hard for her now!
Nigel: Interesting. What level are you at?
Tara: Level?
Nigel: Magical proficiency level?
Willow: Oh! Uh, high, a high level. Very high. One of those ... top levels.
Tara: Five!
Nigel writes this down as Willow and Tara give each other anxious looks. Willow mouths, "five??" and Tara shrugs.
Nigel: And you're registered as practicing witches under the names as you gave them to me?
Tara: R-registered?
Willow: Oh yes! Yes, of course we're-
Tara: ...r-r-registered.

Philip: Do either of you know anything about the key?
Anya: Nope, but it sounds demony to me. I don't hold with that demon nonsense. Muffin? I cooked them myself.
Philip: So, Buffy sometimes protects you from the dangerous elements of her work.
Xander: Yes. She's saved my life lots of times. The Vampires in this town hate her.

Watcher: We understand that you help the Slayer
Spike: I pitch in when she pays me.
Watcher: She pays you? She gives you money?
Spike: Money, a little nip of blood out of some stray victim, whatever.
Watcher: Blood?
Spike: Well, if they're gonna die anyway. Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping.
Watcher: You've noticed a decline in her work?
Spike: Oh, yeah. See, the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. Few more disappointments, she'll be cryin' on my shoulder, mark my words.
Watcher: Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Spike: Heard of me, have you?
Watcher: I ... wrote my thesis on you.
So. Freaking. Hilarious.

Next we move onto the physical test where Buffy will be given instructions in Japanese. Which in other words means Buffy is screwed. After she epicly fails this task she asks for another chance saying she "might be getting this, like, inner ear thing, and so maybe, maybe if I got a note, I could try again." I love this line; apparently Buffy thinks she's at school or something saying she could get a doctor's note.

The last part of the test will be to look into Buffy's strategies. This section will begin tonight giving Buffy a few hours to "prepare." Or, you know, have a conversation with Glory in her living room.

Dawn once again proves she's an idiot when Glory brings her into the conversation. Buffy tells Glory that she knows nothing and Dawn interrupts saying that she knows stuff and she hears things she's not supposed to all the time and she'll figure it out eventually. *head desk* Dawn, why are you stupid? Buffy was trying to PROTECT you because you ARE the key!

After this conversation, Glory threatens to kill everyone Buffy loves while she watches which makes Buffy force Dawn and Joyce to pack their bags and take them over to Spike who is going to babysit them. The best part of this is when Joyce and Spike connect over Passions.

Back at The Magic Box, the Council morons are counting each minute Buffy is late because this is the most important thing ever. It's not as if she has a sacred birthright that sometimes forces her to need to fight evil things on her way to meetings.

However, through this surprise attack from the Knights of Byzantium, Buffy learns exactly how to get back at the Council.

Buffy: No review. No interrogation. No questions you know I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps -and no interruptions. See ... I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. (looks Travers in the eye) Power. I have it.
Buffy: Glory ... came to my home today.
Giles: (alarmed) Buffy, are you-
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning. You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Giles: (coughing) Retroactive.
Buffy: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends...
Watcher: I, uh, I ... don't want a sword thrown at me, but, but, civilians, I - we're talking about children.
Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.
Anya: Willow's a demon?!
Philip: The boy? No power there.
Buffy: The boy has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit.
Willow: (whispers to Xander) That's Riley-speak.
Xander: (whispers back, with a big grin) I've clocked field time.
Buffy: Now. (addresses the Watchers) You all may be very good at your jobs. The only way we're gonna find out is if you work with me. You can all take your time thinking about that. (turns back to Travers) But I want an answer right now from Quinton, 'cause I think he's understanding me.
Travers: (clears throat) Uh, your terms are acceptable.

Yayyyyy

Then funniness happens when Travers tells Giles they found some alcohol when they were looking through his shop and he'd like a glass. Buffy tells him to wait until she hears about what kind of demon Glory is. But that's just the thing, Glory isn't a demon: she's a God.

Holy crap

Until next time!

-Sarah



Episode 11: Triangle

WHY HELLO MY LOVELIES! *hugs*

Aaaaaand we're off!

Season Five, Episode Eleven

"Triangle"

We start off with Xander and Anya discussing Riley. Just in case you all forgot, Riley went bye-bye very suddenly after giving Buffy an ultimatum. This leads Anya to tell Xander that if he ever decides to leave, she needs a warning that it's going to happen first. It's pretty adorable, actually. But ultimately she decides that this won't be necessary since it's about Buffy messing up and, last time I checked, Buffy wasn't included in Xander and Anya's relationship. But poor Buffy, she just doesn't know how to deal with a breakup by herself so she obviously goes to seek the lord's help. No, seriously:

BUFFY: So, um, a-about being a nun... (They begin to walk along together) you know, um, with the whole ... abjuring the company of men ... you know, how's that working for you? The... abjuring.
NUN: (confused) Um ... good.
BUFFY: Yeah, do you, do you have to be like super-religious?
NUN: Well, uh...
BUFFY: How's the food?

Raise your hand if you love Buffy's priorities.

Once she comes to learn that the lord's work isn't for her, she goes back to what she knows: beating up things. While she punches, Giles discusses how he plans on asking the council to help find information about Glory but promises not to include Dawn's name.

To get this information, Giles needs to leave to go to England. The scoobies have different opinions on how they feel about his departure...

"You're going away for a week? That's great! I get to run the store, right?"

"I'm envious, Mr. Giles. A trip to England sounds so exciting and exotic. Un...less you're English."

Giles still seems a bit uneasy about Anya running the store alone because of all the responsibilities including the trash and all. 

BUFFY: Look, don't worry about the shop. We'll take care of it. We can open and close, and, and we'll deal with everyone.
WILLOW: We can come by between classes! Usually I use that time to copy over my class notes with a system of different colored pens ... but it's been pointed out to me that that's, you know, insane.
TARA: I said "quirky."
ANYA: (annoyed) Hello, I work here! I'll take care of everything.
XANDER: (not looking up from his reading) Yeah, Anya can do it!
ANYA: Thanks, sweetie. (pats him on shoulder) Well said.
GILES: Um, Anya, while, while I completely trust you uh, uh, to take care of the inventory and the money, um ... dealing with people requires a certain, uh ... finesse.
ANYA: (angry) I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles, and, and bribe him with money and goods.
XANDER: See there? She'll be great.
WILLOW: Don't worry, Giles. I'll help her take care of everything. It'll be ship-shape. Better, it'll be shop-shape. (smiles)
ANYA: Xander, she's talking to Giles like I'm not here. Make her stop.
GILES: Perhaps I'd better call the airline...
WILLOW: I'm just trying to help out! Xander, tell her. (smacks Xander in the arm)
GILES: ...schedule an earlier flight back, excuse me.
ANYA: Tell her that I don't need her help.

XANDER: (to Buffy) So, how goes the slaying?

By now we should all be able to see why this episode is entitled "Triangle."

But enough about this crap, Joyce is out of her bathrobe!

After Dawn and Buffy finish teasing their mom, aka the woman with a hole in her skull, they both head to Buffy's room and have an adorable sister-to-sister conversation about Riley. It's nice but I'm not even going to discuss any of it because LOOK AT SPIKE:

SPIKE: (softly) Um ... there's something I got to tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. (deep breath) I didn't mean to ... (long pause) Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed - by him, not me. (The camera pans around and we see he is talking to a mannequin, which has no legs but wears a blue blouse and a blonde wig. It's set up on a block of stone so that it is about Buffy's height.) I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you. Best intentions.
He gets a little agitated, paces a few steps away.
SPIKE: I mean, you know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right (moves back toward the mannequin) while he's toddling halfway round the bend. (Stares at the mannequin, gets madder) Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor! (very angry) And you, being dead petty about it - me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and - you ungrateful bitch!
He loses control of himself, smashes the box of chocolates over the mannequin's head.
SPIKE: Bitch!
He hits the mannequin with the chocolates again and it falls over. The box of chocolate goes flying.

Spike sighs. He picks up the mannequin and replaces it. He carefully rearranges the wig, sighs again, picks up the box of chocolate, tries to stuff the chocolates back in. He composes himself and faces the mannequin again.
SPIKE: (quietly) Buffy ... there's something I wanted to tell you.

I have lost all faith in me getting this post to flow very well. The episode is amazing, but it jumps to different plot points way too much for me to think of enough catchy transitions so I just give up; here's Willow being hot.

But omg look at the cash register! Willow endangered the money!

WILLOW: Of course, that's what she cares about. (imitates Anya) "I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services."
ANYA: (horrified) Xander, she's pretending to be me!
WILLOW: Well, can you even believe how she's acting?
XANDER: Okay, you know what? I'm tired of being the one in the middle. I'm not gonna let you pull me into this.
WILLOW: I'm not.
XANDER: Whatever the issue is between you two, just figure it out without me.

WILLOW: (softly) You made him mad.
ANYA: (angrily) Me?!
WILLOW: Tara, who do you think he was more mad at?
TARA: Um, you know? I think, uh, maybe, maybe you guys have some stuff you need to work out, you know, just really ... talk.

Who doesn't love Tara? 

After both her and Xander leave, Willow goes back to stealing Giles' merchandise in order to make a ball of light, a tiny ball of light.

While Willow brews, Anya spouts out prices of every ingredient being used. Before Willow starts the actual ritual, she tells Anya that it is very specific and any non-ritual word can disrupt it so she needs to be quiet. Let's see how well this works out:

WILLOW: Spirits of light, I invoke thee. Let the gloom of darkness part before you.
A small circlet of yellow-orange light arises out of the cauldron and begins to spin.
WILLOW: Let the moonlight be made pale by your presence. Spirits-
ANYA: Is it done?
WILLOW: Shh!!!
The circle of light flashes brighter and grows a bit larger.
WILLOW: Spirits of light, grant my wishes.
ANYA: Sorry, I thought you were done.
WILLOW: (angry) Do you wanna screw this up?
Willow turns away to yell at Anya. The circle of light grows bigger and brighter, and its spinning becomes less smooth. It continues to grow and twist crazily.
ANYA: No. No. I'm sure you can do that all on your own.
WILLOW: Hey Anya, whatever really has you mad, why don't you just say it, like you do every other thought that stomps through your brain?
ANYA: (stands up) I believe I have said it.
WILLOW: No. You haven't. Come on. Let it out! 

WILLOW: He's not a ball of sunshine.


Uh-oh...


The next scene makes me very happy because Tara and Buffy are talking together after their class. I looooooove their friendship and it isn't shown nearly enough. But anyways, that's not the point. The point is that Buffy's about to go insane:



BUFFY: (stops walking) Sort of. But I'm starting to get perspective on the whole situation. You know, maybe Riley's ... where he's supposed to be. You know, maybe he needed ... to be where he was needed.
TARA: Willow says that things always happen for a reason.
BUFFY: But you ever notice people only say that about bad things? (Tara laughs) But not for me the furrowed brow. (resumes walking) What do you say we go pick up Willow and indulge ourselves in a little after-school hamburger?
TARA: I guess we could. She might still be at the magic shop. I was there earlier, and she and Anya kinda got in this little squabble ... Xander and I sort of cleared out, he was pretty upset.
BUFFY: (stops walking, looks very concerned) Anya and, and Xander are in trouble?
TARA: Oh! No, I-I said that all wrong. It was nothing. Willow and Anya were sort of fighting, and then Xander kind of snapped at both of them and he left.
BUFFY: (alarmed) He left? Xander left Anya?
TARA: (frowning) Ummm ... no, not "left her" left her, he just left. It was only a little thing, it-
BUFFY: Little thing? (tearfully) See, the thing is, the ... little things get bigger, you know, and, and, and, and, if you don't catch the little thing and then, boom! You have this, this, this whole huge thing!
TARA: Oh dear.
BUFFY: (sniffling) Not, not, not them with the little things! They can't break up!
TARA: Oh, I think-
BUFFY: They have a beautiful love.
TARA: I think they'll be fine.
Buffy bursts into tears and puts her face against Tara's shoulder, hugging her. Tara looks alarmed, pats Buffy on the back.
BUFFY: (muffled) They have a miraculous love!
TARA: What?
BUFFY: (sobbing) A miraculous love!

And back to Anya and Willow who are driving in Giles car trying to find Olaf. Nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan.

"I'm gonna press the right pedal harder. I expect us to accelerate"

And now time for another duo I love: Xander and Spike. 

SPIKE: Hey, watch it. (looks at Xander) Oh, it's you.
XANDER: Spike, don't let me stop you from not being here.
SPIKE: I was here first, you know.
XANDER: Uh-huh. Go away. 

But he doesn't. Instead he talks with Xander about the chicken wings and "a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion" that's, in Spike's own words, brilliant. Keep this conversation in mind; we'll revisit it in 2 seasons.

Now back to Buffy and Tara. They both went to The Magic Box to find Willow only to find a big, big mess. This leads Tara to make my heart melt by saying, very sadly, "Buffy, something's been here and Willow's gone." 

After Tara causes the world to have a collective sad, we begin a series of conversations which lead to uncontrollable laughter. 

Lulz #1-

OLAF: Barmaid! Bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
XANDER: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. (Pats Spike on the shoulder) Or maybe you could fight him.
SPIKE: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
OLAF: (pointing at Spike) You there! (walks up to Spike and Xander) Do you know where there are babies?
SPIKE: (to Xander) What do you think, the hospital?
XANDER: What? Shut up! (to Olaf) Um ... listen...
OLAF: I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience.
XANDER: Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the ... sturdier chairs, and we can ... have a calm talk and something to eat.
OLAF: Can it be babies?
XANDER: Well, not so much.
OLAF: (disappointed) Oh.
XANDER: But maybe ... some roast pigs, and ... stags, and ... much hearty grog. (grins nervously)
SPIKE: They've got this onion thing... 

Lulz #2-
WILLOW: I wish Buffy was here.
The door opens again and Buffy runs in, followed by Tara.
BUFFY: I'm here.
Willow looks surprised.
WILLOW: I wish I had a million dollars. (The others look at her) Just checking.

Lulz #3-

BUFFY: (looks at Olaf) What's going on? Where did he come from?
Spike steps forward, looking nervous.
SPIKE: Hello, Buffy.

Lulz #4-

WILLOW: Uh, let the conjuring be-
OLAF: Stop!
WILLOW: Nobody lets me finish!

After all of our lulz, we learn a new interesting fact about Anya: she dated a troll! Only he wasn't a troll then, she turned him into a troll after he cheated on her thus getting setting her on her new vengeance demon career path.

Oh, look, more lulz!


BUFFY: What are you doing?
SPIKE: Making this woman more comfortable. (looks up at Buffy) I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. Just look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Know you wouldn't like it.
BUFFY: (amazed) You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims?
SPIKE: Well, yeah.
BUFFY: You're disgusting. (Walks away)
SPIKE: (to himself) What's it take?

Buffy instructs Willow and Anya to go to The Magic Box to look up a spell to stop Olaf. It's here that we get to the real heart of the issue between the two of them:

WILLOW: You're so rude! I mean, sure, at first, ex-demon, doesn't know the rules. Well, you been here forever. Learn the rules.
ANYA: Rules are stupid.
WILLOW: Great, whatever. I just thought you might be interested in learning to act more human. Some of us enjoy it. Oh, look for, uh, spells with dimensional portals too.
ANYA: I am a human. And there are ... many humans who are stranger than me.
WILLOW: Uh-huh, but, unless I'm really wrong about crazy Larry down at the bus stop, he's probably not gonna turn Xander into a troll.
ANYA: Well, now, that's a very complicated proced... (pauses) Oh. You think I'm gonna hurt Xander? I would never hurt Xander! You really think I would do that!
WILLOW: Anya, it's what you do. You spent what, a thousand years hurting men? You got your "thousand years of hurting men" gold watch.
ANYA: I was a demon then, and, and I don't even have any powers now! Is this the spell? 
WILLOW: Only if you want him to double in size, and grow extra arms, which ... let's not. A-and by the way, you weren't a demon when you turned Olaf into Lord of the Hammers. You managed that. Also, there's ... other ways to hurt Xander.
ANYA: I don't do magic now. You're the one with that kind of power. In fact, D'Hoffryn offered you my old job. You're closer to being a vengeance demon than I am, maybe Xander should be afraid of you.
WILLOW: Xander's my best friend!
ANYA: Oh, and you don't want anyone else to have him. I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you! And your lips!
WILLOW: No it was not! Well, yes it was so, but ... that was a long time ago. Do you think I'd do that again?
ANYA: Why not?
WILLOW: Well, hello, gay now.
ANYA: But you're always doing everything you can to, to point out how much I'm an outsider. You've known him since you were squalling infants together. You'll always know him better than I do. You could sweep in and, and poison his mind against me.
WILLOW: You're insane! I am not gonna take him away and I am not gonna hurt him.
ANYA: Well, I'm not either!

Look how loved Xander is! Both Anya and Willow want him to be happy but are uneasy about the other and their ability to hurt Xander. This is all well and good and should make perfect sense to everyone. I think this dialogue is important, but I don't want to discuss it. What I want to discuss is Willow's line saying she's "gay now." I think I've mentioned before here that I've done my fair share of large research papers on Willow's sexuality and I have actually found a piece that discusses this line in particular:

Similarly Willow’s ‘Hello? Gay now’ to Anya (‘Triangle,’ 5.11) not only recalls there was once a time that Willow was not gay, but raises the possibility that there may also be a time in the future where she may not be. Hello? Gay now. It’s notable, then, that those moments in which Willow seems to articulate her sexual identity most clearly also contain the possibility of their own failure. Willow’s equivocations contain not only an ambivalence toward directly expressing a gay identity, but also the possibility for a more fluid sexual identity.” (McAven, 2007)

This is a very interesting point but, personally, I don't really find it true for Willow's character. I believe that Willow, once falling in love with Tara, would close herself off from seeing herself as anything but 100% gay calling past heterosexual urges "mistakes" or any other words of her choosing which indicate that the action will never happen again. I think this because I believe that Willow can't half ass anything and she, rightly or wrongly, would consider being bisexual or any other terms that fall within the binary of sexuality (such as sexuality fluid, pansexual, etc.) half ass. So, when I hear this line, I believe that Willow is 1) making light of her sexuality and 2) showing her confidence in her identity. I do this crap all the time with people because it's fun.

Anyways, moving on: Xander comes in and (amazingly) battles Olaf without getting himself killed. As his reward, Olaf allows for one of his women to be spared. However, he refuses to choose saying that forcing him to make this decision is "crazy troll logic." Luckily for him, it's Buffy to the rescue! Anya informs Buffy that his strength is in his hammer. But this:

isn't the hammer

Some action occurs, Buffy beats Olaf, Willow sends him to another dimension, blah blah blah. I always find it amusing how, whenever I write these posts, I always start to half ass it and not care about elaborating on the end of the episode, which usually is the biggest moment of a story. I think this just further proves that Buffy isn't about the ending; it's all about the journey. [/stupid cliche]

Oh, and we can't forget Giles coming back to a huge ass mess! Poor guy...
And Dawn overhears Giles, Buffy, and Joyce talking about her. Poor girl...

See you all next week!
-Sarah

We Have to Stop Meeting Like This

And you thought you were done with these little messages, huh? Sorry folks, I got some good news and bad news for you. Bad news, no new Wits today =/ Good news, I have my full class and work schedule so I'm here to give you a legit schedule that I MUST FOLLOW unless I don't want to/get too busy/get tired.

So here we go! I promise to you guys, based off my work and school schedules, that I will be able to post my next three episodes by the following dates: September 14th, 21st, and 28th.

If something comes up and I can't get a post up by these dates, I won't post an update like this (because they're lame) so just 1) keep checking this website, 2) check our facebook, or 3) eat some cookie dough.

Again, We're so sorry the schedule is all stupid and annoying but if you wanna get some more from us, why not leave us a comment saying how much you miss us? We like reading that people like us because it doesn't happen often.

SEE YOU WEDNESDAY!
-Sarah

Episode 10: Into the Woods

Whoa, what's this? A post? From the Two Wits? And one that isn't an excuse as to why there's still no episode recap? Yes, my friends. It is us. Back after several weeks of annoying absence from the Buffy blogging world. Hopefully this post will have been worth the wait. I am delighted to bring to you...

Season Five, Episode Ten

"Into the Woods"

We start off the episode with a scene that is oh so familiar to me: waiting for a loved one to get out of surgery. Not too much happens, it's actually pretty funny. You prepare to have a bunch of free time and bring things to do but ultimately end up sitting there being a nervous wreck. It's pretty fun as I'm sure you all can tell by this scene.

In my opinion, Buffy is pretty lucky that this lull ends with the surgeon telling her about what occurred during the operation. There was one time where my mom was released from surgery early because she flatlined. However, we weren't told this by the surgeon because he ran away from us. No, we were told this by my mom and then some nurses confirmed it. So yay for them actually being told that Joyce is fine!

The next scene I find hysterical:

DAWN:  When I was younger, I used to put my chopsticks in my mouth like this… (Dawn puts chopsticks in her mouth like vampire fangs) … and Buffy would chase me around the house yelling “I’m the Slayer! I’m gonna get you!” 
ANYA:  That’s disturbing. You’re emotionally scarred and will turn out badly.

Anya is so great. First she tells Dawn that she's emotionally scarred, then tries to get her to gamble money before saying that they can bring alcohol in for her to try. She's gonna make a great mom, ain't she?

You may ask though why is Dawn even hanging out with Xander and Anya? Well, let's let her explain the reason...

Theonly reason I'm sleeping over here is so Buffy and Riley can boink...'Alone time' always translates into 'Get Dawnout of the house so we can have loud obnoxious sex.'

 Does that mean we can't?

And now we get to rejoin Buffy and Riley for some sexy time. They boink and right after, Riley leaves. I sort of feel like I'm watching Barney from How I Met Your Mother. But luckily, Riley isn't the only one finding Buffy supermegafoxyawesomehot. Spike was creeping outside her house making him able to witness Riley's Barney-esque exit. Where on earth could he possibly be going...?

JOYCE: I think you have more important things to make up. I know you've been missing a lot of school...

BUFFY: I'm fine. Willow's been bringing me my work. I may have to take a few incompletes, but I'll get through the semester.
JOYCE: Well what about slaying - and your friends? I want you to get back to your life.
BUFFY: I will. I promise. But right now I'm more into being here - and styling your beautiful new plastic dream hair.
JOYCE: Fair enough. But you don't have to keep me company all night. Go have fun. Get Riley to take you to a movie or something.
BUFFY: I am having fun. Besides, I gave Riley the rest of the day off.
JOYCE: I don't think he thinks of you as a chore, Buffy.
BUFFY: Mom - I told Riley to make his own plans tonight because I wanted to have you all to myself. Okay? I can see him anytime.(then) Besides, I'm sure he'll come around later looking for some-(catches herself) Bible study.
JOYCE:  (a little unsure) Well - good. As long as you two are getting come quality time with...the Lord.

A few things about this conversation intrigue me. One, on the surface Buffy appears to be a nice, considerate daughter volunteering to help her mom and stick by her side. However, I think even Joyce is able to see past this guise. Buffy's putting off responsibilities and important conversations that need to be had and emotions that need to be felt. She's moving from action to action, as she normally does, by first helping her mom cover up her scars instead of discussing the more serious topics that are more apparent than her visible scars and giving Riley the "day off" only to invite him back for sexy time. At what point will Buffy start actually talking about her feelings and emotions? And secondly, hehe time with the Lord *giggles*.


Aaaand it looks like my question of "when will Buffy listen to her heart" is going to need to be answered fairly quickly. Riley's commando buddies are planning a mission in a distant land. For my own amusement, we're going to call this Mission No One Actually Likes Riley, or MNOALR. And, just as the title of the mission suggests, this mission is going to be used to get Riley off the show since no one actually likes him. Let's see who will win the race to secure Riley for their own sexual needs, Buffy or commando guys. 


Now back to sexy time! Only this time, it's occurring with Spike. Please, someone go check to make sure Kali's still breathing after reading that last sentence. I'm just kidding Kali, Buffy would never sleep with Spike this season. Anyways, Spike goes to Buffy's room while she's sleeping, very much naked, and tells her that he wants to show her something...

 Wait, are you saying he doesn't take her on a magic carpet and show her the world? *Sigh* okay, fine. Spike takes her to a vampire whore house (not to be confused with the whore house Joss also creates on Firefly or the Dollhouse which basically is a whore house as well. Why does Joss love whore houses so much?) Inside this whore house, Buffy sees Riley being taken advantage of by an anorexic vampire chick. 

  Looks like Riley's got two helpings of sexy time

Now, since we are dealing with Buffy here, she obviously sits Riley down and they both have a heart-to-heart talk about their emotions. Ha, I'm just kidding. Buffy just beats up everyone who enters her path. 

Buffy and Riley each go to their respective homes where Buffy mopes alone and Riley is greeted by his third group of sexy time partners.

Who else loves how Mr. Commando Guy describes the job to Riley as "the real deal" with "High risk, low pay and seriously messy." Where can I sign up?

We now interrupt the issues looming over the horizon to bring you Where There is Anya, There is Hilarity time:

ANYA: Who ordered more chicken's feet? The ones we have aren't moving at all.
XANDER: That' generally what happens when you cut them off the chicken.
ANYA: I'm serious... Maybe we should do a holiday promotion - one free with every purchase.
GILES: Ah yes, what dear holiday memories. Joyful tykes by the fire, enjoying their new Christmas chicken feet.
WILLOW: (teasingly) Holding them close as they fall asleep, painting their tiny toenails...
ANYA: Oh, yes. Very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear youin private: "I dislike that Anya. She is newly-human and strangely literal."
WILLOW: What? I don't say that. No one says that. No one talks like that.
ANYA: There is nothing wrong with my idea, anyway. I have been very good for this store. If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrifiedold man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.
GILES: I say, that's an exaggeration--
WILLOW: Anya, you've helped out a lot, but I have too.
ANYA: Yes, that's right. I forgot about all the vigorous sitting around.
XANDER: (to Anya) Hey, Ahn, you can back off a little. You get paid. Willow's doing this on her own time.
ANYA: (sweetly) I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.
XANDER: Anya! Play nice!
ANYA: Fine! Take her side instead of mine. Even though I'm the one who sleeps with you and feeds you and bathes you!
WILLOW: She bathes you?
XANDER: (embarrassed) Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way. Not in a sponge-bathy, geriatric sort of-
GILES:(cutting him off) Please. Stop. I beg of you.

And before we even have time to stop laughing and catch our breathe, Buffy rushes in ready to kill all the things. She asks Giles about vamp whore houses and he acts pretty nonchalant about them. However, Buffy is ANGRY and angry people must KILL EVERYTHING THAT MOVES so she tells the gang that they can join her if they want, but she's going now. Everyone follows her psychopathic lead while Anya stays behind to watch the shop.

Have a nice day. Don't get killed!

The scoobies find the whore house in a vacant state. She's still very angry and shows off some skillz she's learned from Seamus Finnigan about pyrotechnics. And why she is off setting things on fire, Riley is off STAKING SPIKE. Or, you know, tricking Spike into thinking that the stake is actually wooden. 

After the almost killing nature of their meeting, they each share a drink and discuss their Buffy woes. Spike tells Riley that he's not the long haul guy and that she needs a little monster in her man. Riley asks if Spike actually thinks he has a shot, to which he says no. And this is why I like Spike; he's very realistic about love; also very similar to Riley. They each understand that love is not enough and neither of them, as much as it kills them to admit this, will ever be with Buffy long-term. 

FINALLY Riley goes to talk to Buffy. Of course, maybe he should wait until she's not beating things up so damn much. Although, I guess that would mean that they'd never be able to talk...

I'm actually going to sort of ignore most of their fight/explanations for their actions because I think we all pretty much get what's going on. Well, all of us except for Buffy herself. Riley went to the vamp whore house because his relations with them satisfied mutual needs. Buffy doesn't understand this at all, but it's pretty clear. Buffy could really use a reading of the Warlock's Hairy Heart from The Tales of Beedle the Bard. As a quick recap for those who haven't read the story, it's about a warlock who removed his heart from his chest and kept it locked up in his basement. He did this to protect himself but then when he decided he wanted it back in order to love a woman, the heart wouldn't work and it lead him to kill the woman he wanted to love in order to try using her heart as his own which didn't work and lead to both of them dying. 

Buffy is extremely guarded and really isn't letting Riley in and, quite honestly, isn't really letting anyone in. She just goes through the motions of caring but doesn't actually feel them wholeheartedly. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad trait to have. Within her line of work, it's only natural that this would be how she would act and react to others care and concern. In this season in particular we'll see just how messy her job becomes once her emotions and the ones she loves are drawn into the fire. However, within relationships, she has to realize that this is how she behaves and works extra hard to not fall into her normal emotional range of a teaspoon because this normal range for her keeps others at a distance which leads to her partners acting just as Riley did. Neither of them were wrong and neither were right with their actions because they were just that: actions. The only way to truly settle their issues is by communicating with neither did and it lead them to where they are now.

So Buffy is obviously upset because Riley offers her the ultimatum of working things out tonight or he's leaving for MNOALR. Her first course of action is, of course, to stake some vamps. Luckily for her, Xander is creeping in the shadows, ready to come to the rescue.

BUFFY: Just leave me alone, Xander. You have no idea what's going on.
XANDER: No? Good. So you and Riley aren't imploding? Doesn't take a genius. What I can't figure out is how you didn't see it coming?
BUFFY: What? Who told you-
XANDER: Nobody told me anything, Buffy. It's been right in front of my Xander face. The guy would do anything for you-
BUFFY: (cutting him off) The guy got himself bit by a vampire! He lied to me. He ran around behind my back and almost got himself killed. And now he has the nerve to tell me that he's leaving with some covert military operation at midnight, unless I convince him not to. No tell me you "understand" - because I sure as hell don't.
XANDER: Are you going to let him go?
BUFFY: It's not my decision if he wants to take off--
XANDER: Of course it is.
BUFFY: Well, that's not fair!
XANDER: Who cares if it's fair? In about twenty minutes Riley's gonna disappear -- maybe forever -- unless you do something to stop him.
BUFFY: What am I supposed to do? Beg him to stay?
XANDER: Why wouldn't you? To keep Riley here, you wouldn't --
BUFFY: I don't even know who he is! I mean he's... I thought Riley was dependable --
XANDER: Dependable? What is he, State Farm?
BUFFY: You know what I mean.
XANDER: Yeah, I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to and take off when you didn't.
BUFFY: Look who's talking! You've got Anya following you around like a love sick puppy --
XANDER: Oh boy is this not about me --
BUFFY: Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that'd be kind of a surprise.
XANDER: If you don't want to hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now.
BUFFY: Good. 'Cause --
XANDER: I lied. See, what I think? You got burned with Angel. Then Riley shows up-
BUFFY: I know the story, Xander.
XANDER: But you missed the point. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy, when he's the one who comes along once in a lifetime. He's never held back with you - he's risked it all - and you're about to let him fly because you don't like ultimatums? If what he needs from you just isn't there - for God's sake, let him go. But if it is? If you can go deeper... Let him get to know that raw, unguarded heart you tried to put away... Maybe you'd better risk something too. Okay. So he's drawn the line. Good. Cause either this is the end - or maybe it's the beginning. It's up to you.
Buffy looks at Xander with stunned tears in her eyes.
BUFFY: Xander-
XANDER: Run.

And so she does. However, in true Joss fashion, she's mere seconds too late. 

Now before we watch Buffy and Riley experience all the sads, Xander has something to say to Anya:

XANDER: I need to say something to you. I should have said it a long time ago. I mean, you may not even know... I love you, Anya, more every day. I love the way you see things. I love the way you work a cash register and how beautiful you are - and how amazingly sweet and crazy you can be at the same time...I can't imagine my days without you - and I wouldn't want to.




And we close the episode with Xander about to get some sexy time of his own while Buffy and Riley continue their sads, alone. 


Before I part with you all I have one more thing I'd like to add. As much as Xander can be annoying or feel useless or, quite frankly, even be a jackass at times. He always proves why he deserves to be a scooby. In a pinch, he's always the one that's their to quietly save the day without the need for recognition of his heroic and life changing actions. He's a true friend and a greatly under appreciated member of the gang. 


Again, thanks to you all for sticking with us during our very, very long absence. Next time I am very pleased to be bringing Triangle to you. God, do I love that episode! 


-Sarah

P.S. As previously stated, the next three episodes are mine, ALL MINE! So, as a quick guide, here's a brief synopsis of my schedule so that way you know when you can expect the next episode until we work our way back to a more concrete schedule that you guys can rely on.

Friday: I start work, have grad school orientation, and a birthday dinner
Saturday: TODAY IS MY 20TH BIRTHDAY! I'LL BE CELEBRATING MY BIRTH AT DISNEYLAND!
Sunday: I'LL STILL BE AT DISNEYLAND!
Monday: I have work and start graduate school
Tuesday: Same as Monday
Wednesday: Work
Thursday: Same as Monday and Tuesday
Friday: Same as Wednesday
Saturday & Sunday: I have nothing currently planned so hopefully I will have time to create and post the next episode on one of these days.

However, if I receive my Pottermore email on any of these days, nothing else holds any importance to my life and I will be forced to drool over Jo's new canon as well as my official house sorting and Hogwarts attending all day.