Episode 13: Blood Ties

Ugh, sorry guys. I forgot this week is high holidays for us Chosen Ones (meaning Jews, not Slayers). Because of this I've had dinner every night with different groups of people which has kept me from being able to watch and write for you guys. But don't worry, I'm back with my recap of:

Season Five, Episode Thirteen

"Blood Ties"

The scoobies begin by sorting through what they know about Glory which is:

1. She's crazy
2. She's immortal
3. She's a god
4. She sucks people's brains to get energy within this dimension
5. They are all screwed

And with the music change, it's pretty easy to tell where the episode is heading: learning who the key is to be better prepared for Glory. Without realizing it, they are all asking that Buffy do something that she reeeeeeeally doesn't want to do; and for some good reasons. She's afraid of them knowing that Dawn's the key because they might treat her differently. Also, it's some very serious information that could get them into trouble with Glory if she suspects they know something *cough* this might be relevant in a future episode *cough*.

Buffy makes a silly decision telling them that her and Giles know about the key but didn't tell them. However, she comes clean moments after and now all the scoobies know about Dawn.

And now there's chanting! And mass murder! Boy, will this episode be fun; cue the intro!

And now that they know about Dawn, let's see how they act around her:


Willow & Tara: Awkward
Anya: YOU MAKE A VERY PRETTY LITTLE GIRL
Xander: Too busy needing help with his thing 


Huh, so as of right now I think Buffy is being proven right in fearing telling her friends. We'll keep track of the score throughout the episode before making our final judgement.

OH LOOK, PARTY TIME!



WILLOW: See, just what you needed. (Blows bubbles)
BUFFY: You are very, very wise. Now gimme, gimme, gimme! (Tara hands her a gift. Buffy begins ripping off the paper.)
ANYA: This is extremely suspenseful! I want the presents.
Buffy pulls out a dress.
BUFFY: Ohh ... it's beautiful. Thank you, guys.
TARA: Well, we thought you'd get lots of crossbows, other killy stuff.
WILLOW: Yeah, so we figured, less killy, more frilly.
ANYA: Gotta look. (Grabs the dress from Buffy) Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine!
Everyone gives her a look.
ANYA: (quietly) Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing. (puts the dress down)
GILES: I'm fairly certain I wasn't. (whispers to Xander) I've got one just like it.


Raise your hand if you love Giles *raises hand*

And now it's time for Dawn's gift: a sweet picture frame with a picture of a memory that was implanted into everyone's brain. How lovely. Don't worry, there's more awkwardness ahead.

After the present opening, Dawn walks around realizing everyone acts weird once she enters the room. So she does the only rationally think she can think of.



DAWN: Why does everybody start acting all weird when I'm around?
XANDER: Me? Me not weird.
DAWN: I'm not an idiot. I know you're talking about me.
XANDER: No, no, we really weren't.
ANYA: (fake voice) We were talking about sex.
DAWN: (to Joyce) They were talking about me, just like everybody is.
XANDER: Again, not so much. In fact, none.
ANYA: We were talking about sex. I mean, you know us, sometimes we like to pretend stuff-
JOYCE: Um...
XANDER: Anya!
ANYA: You know, like, say there's a fireman, or a shepherd-
BUFFY: You know what? Let's not have this exchange of images right now.
DAWN: Oh. Right. Of course. Can't let Dawn hear anything. (angry) Fine. I'm just gonna go to bed. That way I won't accidentally get exposed to, like, words.



Who believes that Dawn is actually going to bed? Nobody? Good, because if you did then you definitely should not be the parent of a teenager. Luckily she runs into Spike as she's sneaking out of the house. She tells him of her plans to go to the Magic Box and steal things and he tags along to help protect her.

Uh-oh, she plans on stealing Giles's notes. This can't end well...

She finds it and starts piecing it together. Only those outside of reality can detect it? Check.  The key is also susceptible to necromanced animal detection, particularly those of canine or serpent construct? Check.


SPIKE: (frowns at book) "The monks possessed the ability to transform energy, bend reality." Blah, blah, blah. (looks at Dawn) Good lord, Giles writes as dull as he talks, doesn't he? (back to book) "They started work. But the Council ... has suggested ... to us that they were interrupted. Presumably by ... Glory." (Dawn continues staring into the distance as she listens) "They obviously did manage to accomplish the taste..." (looks closer) "accomplish the task. They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her ... in human form. In the form of a sister." Huh! I guess that's you, nibblet.

Dun Dun DUN

We interrupt this important revelation to bring you this amazingly adorable moment:

BUFFY: Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Birthdays without boyfriends. It could be just as much fun.
WILLOW: Preaching to the choir here, baby. (smiles at Tara)

We shall now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Oh, look. Dawn seems to be handling this well; she just sliced up her arm. 

Everyone leaves the party so Buffy and Joyce can talk to Dawn. 

DAWN: (softly, not looking up) Why didn't you tell me?
BUFFY: We were going to. It just... (trails off. Dawn gives her an angry look)
JOYCE: We thought it would be better if we waited until you were older.
DAWN: How old am I now?
JOYCE: You're fourteen, sweetheart, you know that.
DAWN: No. The monks. When did ... when did they ... (trails off)
BUFFY: Six months ago.
DAWN: (trying to hold back tears) I've only been alive for six months, huh?
JOYCE: Honey, you've been alive a lot longer than that to us.
DAWN: You don't know that! You don't know anything. I'm, I'm just a key, right? Everything about me is made up.
BUFFY: Dawn ... (sits on the bed next to Dawn) Mom and I know what we feel. I know I care about you. I know that I worry about you-
DAWN: You worry about me because you have to. I'm your job. Protect the key, right?
BUFFY: I worry because my sister is cutting herself!
DAWN: Yeah? How do you know? Maybe this is just another fake memory from my fake family.
JOYCE: Sweetheart-
DAWN: Get out.
BUFFY: Dawn...
DAWN: Get out, get out, get out!




Buffy tells Giles they need to find out more about the key so Dawn can know about where she comes from but he's still confused on how she found out. He doesn't have to guess for long though because Anya is going to find a cigarette in some of the merchandise.

And it takes all of two seconds for Buffy to go and attack Spike.


BUFFY: How could you let her find out like that? From books and papers? You hate me that much?
SPIKE: I was just along for the ride. Not like I knew she was mystical glowy key thing. Nobody keeps me in the bloody loop, do they?
BUFFY: (bangs the lid, steps back) You could have stopped her.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah, here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, blondie. (Heaves the lid up off of him, tossing it aside) If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with big bad looking over her shoulder.
BUFFY: (glares at him silently for a moment) She shouldn't have found out like that.
SPIKE: You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? (angrily) Maybe if *you* had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick The Spike.


He has a point about this. The issue is highly complex but she can't blame Spike for her finding out the way she did. It was her idea and he was just keeping her safe while she went through with it because she'd have done it with or without him.

Meanwhile, Dawn is freaking the eff out. She's yelling at everyone, getting suspended from school, and, obviously, she has to overhear this:



JOYCE: (OS) She yelled at a teacher. The things she said, Buffy, I mean she never used language like that
BUFFY: (OS) She probably feels like she can say or do anything right now. She's not real. We're not her family, we don't even know what she is.

To which she takes all her journals and burns them before running away. However, if she had stayed to finish listening in, she would have heard this:

JOYCE: How can you talk about Dawn as if she's a thing?
BUFFY: I'm not! I'm just ... saying that's probably how she feels.
JOYCE: Well, then we have to show her that it isn't true. She needs to know that she's still a part of this family and that we love her.
BUFFY: It's not that simple! We're not gonna be able to fix this with a hug and a kiss and a bowl of soup! Dawn needs to know where she came from, she needs real answers.
JOYCE: (sits) What she needs is her sister, Buffy, not the Slayer.
BUFFY: The Slayer is the only thing standing between Dawn ... and this god from the bitch dimension that wants to shove her in some kind of lock and give her a good twirl. Mom, I need to be out there, doing my job


God, is this one big mess. A whole bunch of big questions need to be answered: What's necessary to know about yourself in order to feel whole? What constitutes a person being a person? How much can we, or should we, rely on our memories?

And while we're all trying to formulate answers to them, Dawn is breaking into the mental ward of the hospital. Luckily, Ben finds her and she starts talking to him about her issues. And this can't possibly go wrong because there is no way that he's---

OMG HE TURNED INTO GLORY! 

(And look how funny the transformation looks. Lulz)

Glory is asking Dawn if she knows where Buffy is keeping her key. Dawn is stalling by asking what the key looks like and getting her to talk as long as she can in hopes that--

OH LOOK, BUFFY'S HERE! 

And with the help of the scoobies, Dawn is saved from Glory! But it's thanks to Buffy herself for saving Dawn from herself

BUFFY: Are you okay? Did she hurt you?
DAWN: Why do you care?
BUFFY: Because I love you. You're my sister.
DAWN: No I'm not.
BUFFY: Yes you are. (Lifts Dawn's arm, so we can see her arm and hand are still bloody) Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood. 

It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or, or how you got here. You are my sister. (pause) There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.

I'm not crying; there's just something in my eye...

Dawn tries telling Buffy about Ben but she can't really remember what happened to him...what's with that? It's as if Joss is just doing a lot of foreshadowing or something. 

ANYWAYS

Thus ends my long string of posts. Stay tuned next week for Kali's episode recap of Crush. 

Until next time,

Sarah

Episode 12: Checkpoint

Season Five, Episode Twelve

"Checkpoint"

It's time for a Scooby meeting! Giles was able to score some information about Glory from the council. Or at least will score some information once the council comes to Sunnydale to tell them what they've discovered. The world freaks out and Tara doesn't understand why because Watchers should just be like "other Gileses." However, before she learns how wrong she is, I'd like to point out how amazing she looks:

Look at her hair!

Everyone done swooning? Okay, good! Now Buffy goes back to freaking out saying that the council almost killed her and she doesn't want them here. And she does have a point. As Willow pointed out, the last time they tried to kill her they thought she was Faith but the time before that in Helpless? What was their excuse then? Buffy rehashing these stories worries Anya who doesn't believes that they will be ex-demon compatible.

Buffy continues freaking the hell out saying that it's a delicate time since she has to take care of Dawn...but, as Xander points out, she's always had to take care of Dawn. And then she freaks out more when she finds out Dawn was listening in but, as Willow points out, what's she gonna do? "set the Junior High buzzing with 'There's a delegation a-comin'?'"

We then switch over to Glory who has a killer migraine that can only be cured by sucking someone's brain. So basically just your run of the mill migraines that everyone get. Anyways, after she's cured she discusses with her ugly minion how she needs to find the key and she's going to use "Mousy the Vampire Slayer" to figure out where it is.

And now it's party time at The Magic Box! And there ain't no party like a Council party because a Council party, well, isn't any fun...

They start off their party by going through the store and pointing out everything wrong with it and which items should be removed. They then move onto the second stage of their grand ole' time: closing the store!

"Customers, please bring your money back!"

After Anya gets upset, the Council announces who they are and she very abruptly leaves. After, they announce that the reason for their visit is because they have vital, but delicate, information and they needs to do a review in order to know that Giles and "his Slayer" can handle it. But don't worry, Buffy has acquired "remarkable focus":

PROFESSOR ROBERTS: I assure you, there's near consensus in the academic community regarding Rasputin's death-

BUFFY: There was near consensus about Columbus too, until someone asked the Vikings what they were up to in the 1400's and they were like - "discovering this America-shaped continent."

Now this is a bit strong but Buffy does have a point. She's in college and has opinions and her suggesting to come at things from a different perspective should not have been made fun of so harshly by this professor. This gives us some insight as to how the Council review is going to unfold. These old academics believe they deserve respect because of the work they've put in. However, Buffy doesn't deserve the same respect because in their eyes she's just a student. Buffy keeps fighting with authority figures because it doesn't seem fair or right that they get respect because they've earned a title whereas she isn't warranted any because of the title given to her.

But don't worry, Buffy's going to take some of her anger out on the next vamp she meets; just like always. However, Spike ends up staking the vamp for her. Uh-oh, poor guy. Buffy is very angry and she didn't need his help! He made a boo boo by coming to her rescue.

We move over from angry!Buffy to grumpy!Ben. Glory's minion approaches Ben to ask that he gets closer to the Slayer since she would like more information on her. Ben doesn't think he knows the Slayer but once the minion tells him that her name is "Buffy something" it registers: Buffy Summers is the Slayer. However, I doubt he's going to be willing to help her. He announces that he has a message for Glory too and the screen cuts to black.

And now back to The Magic Box where Buffy walks in and sees the Council. She tries to leave since she's already had a bad day but they stop her. Everything is pretty boring with them explaining their stupid rules to her and what is going to take place. However, things get adorable when Giles gets angry and begins yelling at Travers saying that she's not their bloody instrument. Poor guy, he just wants to protect Buffy from these pricks but he holds no power over them. In fact, they announce how much power they hold over them by saying that, if they don't follow by their rules, they'll close The Magic Box and send Giles back to England. Again with annoying people with earned titles demanding Buffy's respect. How annoying...

GILES: It's a power play, is what it is. It's all about who has the power.
BUFFY: I'm guessing they do. Big power outage in Buffy County.
GILES: I should've set you loose on 'em, that's what I should've done.
BUFFY: Giles, that guy Travers, he's like sixty something years old. I can't hit him. Can I?
GILES: I suppose not. But I bloody well could. Think I will.
BUFFY: Can they really do the stuff they threatened to do? Kick you out of the country?

GILES: In a hot second. They're all right when it comes to the rough stuff, a little ham-handed but they get it done. But this stuff, bureaucracy, pulling political strings, paperwork... this is where they're the best in the world. They can kill you with a stroke of the pen. Poncy buggers.

This is a big issue within the entire series of Buffy and frankly all of Joss' work: power lies within the bureaucracy. What this means is that while Buffy and the scoobies hold knowledge about demons and have the ability to save the world and should hold the power, they don't because they don't have the paperwork to prove it. Welcome to the world where shit is really annoying most of the time.

We'll go back from this intensely informative moment into more adorableness: Buffy telling Giles that they worked the right angle with her because she can't lose him. D'awwwwwww.

Buffy ends by asking Giles where they're going to start and the answer to this is with the interogation of her friends! God, do I love this part!

Anya: Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.
Philip: (taking notes) So, you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes?
Anya: Yes.
Philip: Fine, now we can get to the questions.

Nigel: Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.
Tara: O-o-our relationship?
Willow: We're friends.
Tara: Good friends.
Willow: Girlfriends, actually.
Tara: Yes, we're girlfriends.
Willow: We're in love. We're ... lovers. (puts hand on Tara's knee) We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.
Nigel: I meant your relationship with the Slayer.
Tara: Um, just good friends.

Xander: Best friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and uh, done demon research with her and everything.
Philip: Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years?
Xander: No.
Philip: So, you have no special skills, or powers, or knowledge that you bring to the mix. Neither of you.
Anya: Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons.
Xander: I don't have any powers, but I do help.
Philip: How? Be specific.
Xander: Last year, uh, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. (laughs nervously) We merged, and I was the heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as-weird thing.
Anya: I'm told it was all very professional.

Nigel: Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often?
Willow: No, no, she doesn't need help.
Tara: She'd be fine without us. Sometimes she goes off and does stuff without even telling us.
Willow: Not that she's like a, a weird loner or anything.
Tara: I'm not sure we're saying this right.
Willow: See, here's the thing. We, we can help because we do magicks. I'm working on this ball of sunshine thing. See, I have this theory.
Tara: It's very cool.
Willow: A-and if it works, easier slaying for Buffy. Not that it's hard for her now!
Nigel: Interesting. What level are you at?
Tara: Level?
Nigel: Magical proficiency level?
Willow: Oh! Uh, high, a high level. Very high. One of those ... top levels.
Tara: Five!
Nigel writes this down as Willow and Tara give each other anxious looks. Willow mouths, "five??" and Tara shrugs.
Nigel: And you're registered as practicing witches under the names as you gave them to me?
Tara: R-registered?
Willow: Oh yes! Yes, of course we're-
Tara: ...r-r-registered.

Philip: Do either of you know anything about the key?
Anya: Nope, but it sounds demony to me. I don't hold with that demon nonsense. Muffin? I cooked them myself.
Philip: So, Buffy sometimes protects you from the dangerous elements of her work.
Xander: Yes. She's saved my life lots of times. The Vampires in this town hate her.

Watcher: We understand that you help the Slayer
Spike: I pitch in when she pays me.
Watcher: She pays you? She gives you money?
Spike: Money, a little nip of blood out of some stray victim, whatever.
Watcher: Blood?
Spike: Well, if they're gonna die anyway. Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping.
Watcher: You've noticed a decline in her work?
Spike: Oh, yeah. See, the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. Few more disappointments, she'll be cryin' on my shoulder, mark my words.
Watcher: Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.
Spike: Heard of me, have you?
Watcher: I ... wrote my thesis on you.
So. Freaking. Hilarious.

Next we move onto the physical test where Buffy will be given instructions in Japanese. Which in other words means Buffy is screwed. After she epicly fails this task she asks for another chance saying she "might be getting this, like, inner ear thing, and so maybe, maybe if I got a note, I could try again." I love this line; apparently Buffy thinks she's at school or something saying she could get a doctor's note.

The last part of the test will be to look into Buffy's strategies. This section will begin tonight giving Buffy a few hours to "prepare." Or, you know, have a conversation with Glory in her living room.

Dawn once again proves she's an idiot when Glory brings her into the conversation. Buffy tells Glory that she knows nothing and Dawn interrupts saying that she knows stuff and she hears things she's not supposed to all the time and she'll figure it out eventually. *head desk* Dawn, why are you stupid? Buffy was trying to PROTECT you because you ARE the key!

After this conversation, Glory threatens to kill everyone Buffy loves while she watches which makes Buffy force Dawn and Joyce to pack their bags and take them over to Spike who is going to babysit them. The best part of this is when Joyce and Spike connect over Passions.

Back at The Magic Box, the Council morons are counting each minute Buffy is late because this is the most important thing ever. It's not as if she has a sacred birthright that sometimes forces her to need to fight evil things on her way to meetings.

However, through this surprise attack from the Knights of Byzantium, Buffy learns exactly how to get back at the Council.

Buffy: No review. No interrogation. No questions you know I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps -and no interruptions. See ... I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. (looks Travers in the eye) Power. I have it.
Buffy: Glory ... came to my home today.
Giles: (alarmed) Buffy, are you-
Buffy: Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning. You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...
Giles: (coughing) Retroactive.
Buffy: ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends...
Watcher: I, uh, I ... don't want a sword thrown at me, but, but, civilians, I - we're talking about children.
Buffy: We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.
Anya: Willow's a demon?!
Philip: The boy? No power there.
Buffy: The boy has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit.
Willow: (whispers to Xander) That's Riley-speak.
Xander: (whispers back, with a big grin) I've clocked field time.
Buffy: Now. (addresses the Watchers) You all may be very good at your jobs. The only way we're gonna find out is if you work with me. You can all take your time thinking about that. (turns back to Travers) But I want an answer right now from Quinton, 'cause I think he's understanding me.
Travers: (clears throat) Uh, your terms are acceptable.

Yayyyyy

Then funniness happens when Travers tells Giles they found some alcohol when they were looking through his shop and he'd like a glass. Buffy tells him to wait until she hears about what kind of demon Glory is. But that's just the thing, Glory isn't a demon: she's a God.

Holy crap

Until next time!

-Sarah