Season 1, Episode 4

"Teacher’s Pet"

I will start by saying that this is my least favorite episode, although that will become very clear throughout the rest of this post. You just need to be prepared because things are going to get ugly. David Greenwalt wrote this episode and Bruce Seth Green directed it. In my mind I like to pretend that they made this entire episode without any of Joss Whedon’s knowledge because I do not understand how he would ever let anything this awful be put on television.

Why do I think this episode is that bad? Let’s start with the fact that I hate books, movies, and TV shows that feel like they are written for someone that doesn’t understand subtle foreshadowing or metaphors so they dumb everything down to the point where I feel like I am being talked to like I’m an idiot. Joss has always been amazing about taking real high school/teenage issues and putting a supernatural twist on them. Moms trying to live through their daughters? Let’s make them actually switch bodies! A group of bullies being a bad influence? Let’s make them an actual wild animal pack! The idea of making a teacher that preys on the students a supernatural being is clever; the execution however is terrible.

I’m skipping to the whole Buffy/Angel scene. Your subtlety is not subtle Angel. Giving her your jacket, can it be more obvious that there are feelings between you two? My thought here Angel is if you care for Buffy so much, WHY ARE YOU GIVING HER CRYPTIC MESSAGES? I know you are trying to be helpful and stay out of her way at the same time, but cryptic messages are never helpful. You know what's helpful? "A big vampire with a claw for a hand is on the loose, you should watch out for him" SEE, NOT THAT HARD.

Now we get to the core of the bad. Here comes Ms. French and “Hot For Teacher” by Van Halen starts playing in my head. From the very beginning it is foreshadowed that she is going to prey on the young male students and that she is most likely some sort of demon. Yet, the audience is beaten over the head with it for half of the episode. Instead of pointing out all of those cases, I am just going to post the notes I took while watching this episode from this point in the show to the end because they speak for themselves.

-Creepy teacher is creepy.

-Preying mantis, again overkill on metaphor and foreshadowing.

-Buffy already points out the moral of the story- older women like younger boys because they are dumb. Obviously Xander will fall for her.

-Cordelia screams, that's what she's there for.

-Library meeting again.

-2 bad guys, what? You thought there could only be one per week?

-Freddy Krueger attacks Buffy in the park.

-If it wasn't already GLARINGLY OBVIOUS, we see again that something is weird with Ms. Teacher

-Principal Flutie, you HAVE TO HEAL BUFFY, WHAT DON'T YOU GET? YOU HAVE TO HEAL!!!!!!!!!! HEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-My head hurts from being beaten over the head with innuendo.

-Owls can turn their heads around too Buffy, and supposedly also possessed people, but you jump to bugs BECAUSE WE ALREADY KNOW THAT'S WHAT THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT.

-OMG, make me vomit. Her inviting him over.

-She just ate crickets, I WONDER IF SHE'S AN INSECT. I know this is a giant leap in logic, but could she even be… A PREYING MANTIS?!

-Can Giles be my boyfriend?

-"Wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you"

-LOLz Xander, only demons like you, but you continue to deny it for 7 seasons.

-GUYS, I GET IT, PLEASE STOP MAKING ME FEEL STUPID

-Yes Xander, ignore the SCREAMS

-Oh Giles, "I need to talk to the crazy person and it’s a matter of life or death, why don't you get that?"

-SHE-mantis- really? So original

-Xander is... gonna die, ha

-I feel like the story was drug out because it was only enough to fill half a show so they had to add more to take up time, like searching for the address, overdoing all the metaphors, spending half the episode foreshadowing what we already know, etc.

-You really used a vampire as a bloodhound, and then were dumb enough to tie his SCISSOR HANDS with rope? *facepalm*

-Xander- I will save the day with bug spray! You need a special helmet.

-Your jacket? "Looks better on you" Oh Boy is right Buffy.

-Hey look, some eggs in the closest that will never be mentioned ever again.

I think that just about covers it. The one redeemable part of this episode is Giles.  He’s starting to understand Buffy a bit more and give her a little more space to do things her way. I also love his dry, British humor hence why my favorite line for the episode is:

Giles: (looks up at the sky) God, every day here is the same.

 -Kali!