Dear Journal,
Why is everyone obsessing so much over these morons? All they're doing is swimming; how easy is that to do? Just because they can win trophies, they suddenly deserve all of these special privleges. I try saying this to everyone and Cordelia tells me that my believing everyone is equal is just “propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving."
I swear, sometimes I don't even know why we're seeing each other! Why doesn't she just go off and find some stupid jock to hang around with. Someone who just views her as a piece of ass instead of the amazing person that she is. I didn't ask for her to start seeing me, she chose to and now I'm starting to feel as if she thinks she made the wrong choice. Well that's just fine with me; I can get any woman I want for myself. Well, except for Buffy. And Willow because she's seeing Oz now. But there are more women, right? Just give me a minute to think...
Okay, so I'm drawing a blank on a woman here at Sunnydale that I can get to date me. But so what? What's so cool about being in a relationship anyways? I can live without kissing someone; I haven't made out with Cordelia at all within the past few hours and I'm doing just fine. Some withdrawal pains, but those will go away after a while.
Anyways, all I'm saying is that these jocks don't deserve all this special treatment that they're getting. They also don't deserve to be killed either though. Or, I don't know, maybe they do if they think they can take advantage of Buffy and feel so entitled to everything without working for it at all.
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We've all spent hours studying now trying to find bad guys with high cholesterol making them go on skinless diets. I really need a break, I'll just go and get some soda. I really wish my mom gave me money for both two; I can't decide whether I want orange or grape...
Great now Mr. Meathead is in here acting all superior to me. "I'm a jock so I can eat food from the cafeteria at all hours of the night." What do I care, he'll never have what I do; Buffy rejected him and she leans on me for support. Whatever, I'm just going to ignore him and get my soda.
*screaming*
What the hell was that? And what's the horrible smell? What is going---MONSTER!!!
*runs*
Everyone goes into task mode after I tell them what I saw. Cordelia won't stop teasing me because she thinks I ran like a girl when I didn't. I just walked in a very fast pace, I'd like to see how she would have reacted if she had seen that thing! All I wanted was a soda, I was expecting to come face to face with some smelly monster. Everyone goes off in different directions and I'm left with nothing to do to help the team solve this thing. What do I have to do to be taken seriously around here? I've been helping the gang save the world for two years and they don't trust me with anything still. I guess I'll just have to take matters into my own hands; I'll join the swim team and keep an eye on the guys when Buffy can't. Also maybe this will help Cordelia see me as more than some lame guy that she can use to get smoochies.
~~~~~
I wasn't expecting to find Willow, Buffy, and Cordelia here at swim practice. I need to cover up; they're all making fun of me when I say that I'm under cover. I tell them about what I was thinking about how Buffy can't always watch them and so me being here will help the team; I can be with them in the locker room, and not in a nude way like Willow mentions! All clothes are staying on! I've learned my lesson from Larry about this; I'm not exposing myself to anyone. Except maybe Cordelia if she'll let me, but that's besides the point.
~~~~~~~
I don’t get why these guys are in the steam room so often. I mean, it’s so boring! Everyone is sweaty and smells gross. These guys are so stupid; I don’t get why everyone obsesses over these jocks so damn much. Why does Cordelia think these guys are better than me?
Back in the steam room, I’m gonna play it cool and find out who has the goods. No one talks in this room though so how do I get it out of them? I know, I’ll start talking about food. Jocks like food, right?
~~~~
None of these guys understand how to continue on a conversation! I guess playing it cool won’t work, it’s time to try asking plainly.
~~~~~
THE STEAM?! I didn’t sign up to become fish boy; I was just watching over all these lame jocks! I need to tell everyone. There has to be something we can do to make sure I keep my skin; I’ve grown very fond of it.
~~~~~
Cordelia only cares about herself! I say that I’ve been given fish drugs three times and she’s concerned about her social standing. I’ve about had enough of this. I do all of this to get her to see that I’m man enough for her and she refuses to recognize any of these efforts. Why are we even dating if she thinks so little of me?
~~~
Ugh, turning into a fish is sickening. What if I end up scratching all my skin off and turning into a fish sooner? I need to go and make sure I don’t have scales; I’ll just run into the bathroom to check.
~~~~
I can’t believe Cordelia is still willing to date even when she thinks I’ve turned into a fish. And she thinks I look hot in my speedo! I guess this whole venture was successful (well, except for the fact that in a matter of hours I could become very tasty dipped in tartar sauce.) I guess Cordelia really does like me, though. Everyone else teases me for being with her but I really think this is right. They just don’t get to see this side of Cordy.
And now that all of this mayhem is over, I will be starting my treatments with Fishes Anonymous and will be good as new soon. And then I won’t ever join any sort of team again. After hearing everything Cordelia said, I feel confident that the relationship will last without the need for me to pursue more manly activities. Plus, with more free time I’ll be able to spend more time with Cordy inside broom closets if you know what I'm saying...
Until next time,
Xander
Favorite Line: Xander: I'm under cover Buffy: Not under much
-Sarah
Kali’s Notes:
- So...did they forget to write an episode and have to put one together in like 5 minutes? Or did they make it suck in order for the finale to be good? Or did they just use up all their awesome on the last few episodes? It's a decent lesson on not using steroids, but this feels so... season 1. The lesson is very obvious, the puns/jokes are more than lame, and this episode just doesn't fit in the sequence. You have all this Angel/Buffy drama then this episode is just thrown in there.
- Ok, I have to say it: OMG PLEASE STOP, WILLOW WOULD NOT BE TEACHING THE EFFING CLASS. Doesn’t she have classes of her own she needs to attend? Does she only teach during the period she already had class, but then who teaches the other periods? And they live in Southern California, are you trying to tell me that there are no computer teachers in Southern freaking California? Then she complains about Gage not talking her seriously, well I wouldn’t take you seriously either! You're a student, not a teacher. Ok, I think I’m done.
- Since we are on the subject of Willow, although it’s mostly done as a joke, we start to see how power-hungry she can get. From teaching the class to interrogating Jonathon, she starts to throw her weight around. It’s an early indicator for what will happen in a few seasons.
- At least we get some guest stars that go on to have good careers and are nice to look at like hot Prison Break guy and Shane West.
- I’ve dated guys like Ken, that seem to like the sound of their voice a little too much. Even though Buffy is dressed perfectly fine to me, he blames her for leading him on. Jerk. I’m glad Buffy smashed your face. I think I might start doing the same.
- Lastly, I reacted the same way as Willow and Buffy seeing Xander in a Speedo.
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