Episode 9: Something Blue

Season Four, Episode Nine

"Something Blue"

Dear Journal,

I can't get over my sad. I just don't understand why Oz had to leave like he did. He said that he thought Veruca was right about the wolf inside of him and that he had to go and be alone. This is just so stupid. I mean, he's been a werewolf for a few years now and he was handling it, we were handling it; what right does Veruca have to tell him what is or isn't apart of him? She's a poop head., that's what she is!

I just want him back; I feel so lost without him. I'm trying really hard to deal but it's hard...What's making it more difficult is all of my friends are happy right now and I'm just a big downer. Buffy has Riley who isn't making her miserable and Xander (unfortunately) has Anya. I'm trying to be happy for both of them, but I can't help hurting over Oz.

I'm not doing horribly though, I'm still here at Giles' place offering to help him and Buffy with Spike. It's really hard, though. I can tell that everyone is sick and tired of be being mopey, depressed Willow and I don't want to be her either. I want to be fun and happy Willow but I can't get over my sad.

Now that I've offered o help Giles with a spell tomorrow, I can leave and go see if Oz came back to his place. He said he just needed some time so maybe he's had enough. Maybe I'll go to his room and he'll be there waiting for me. He'll say that he just got in and was about to go find me, how he's so glad that I came. Then we'll kiss and make love and everything will be alright again!

I...I don't understand. How can all of his stuff be gone. Does this mean he's not coming back? Why wouldn't he tell me? Is he safe, where is he? How can he just take off and leave me here to suffer? With him gone, it feels like I was ripped in two and half of me is lost. I need him.

~~~~~~

I can't keep being alone, I need Buffy. Oh, I forgot she had her picnic with Riley today. They had apples and I interupted them. They look happy. Oz and I were happy too, ya know? Soon he's probably going to break her heart just like Oz did to me. I hate everyone with a y chromosome,they're all the same.

~~~~~

You know what? Screw him! I don't need Oz to be happy. I can have beer and I can dance. I'll dance my troubles away! Oh, look, my friends, they can come dance with me! They just can't know I'm drunk---

Uh-oh...Now Xander is saying how "we all have pain." What does he know. Oh, he lives in a basement, big deal! And Buffy wants to take my home so I "still have a friend in the morning." They don't get it, I just want all of this to go away. I want to just wake up and not be in all of this pain. Wait a second, I'm a witch! I can totally solve this problem by doing a spell!

~~~~

I will my sad to go away...

Why did that not work?

I will this Q-tip become unbendy...?

Ugh, nothing working. I'm such a bad witch.

And now Giles is here to tell me that I'm neglecting my responsibilities. Can't every one see that I'm trying really hard? They all tell me that I need to just get through this but they don't want to hear me mope and have my sad. I tell Giles about my spell going wrong and he scolds me saying I shouldn't practice magic while I'm grieving because my "energy's too unfocused." Who's he to tell me what I should and shouldn't do? He says that he sees my side but he doesn't see anything.

"Well, this is weird. I can't see anything..."

~~~~

Ugh, I'm such a bad witch. Why can't I just be powerful like Amy? She has access to powers I can't even invoke. Well, at least I have Buffy here to keep me company; we can have a girl's night.

Spike got out, gotta go find him.

He's harmless, why couldn't she stay with me? Besides she'll probably find him in two seconds...

"When did I become a Hufflepuff...?"

~~~~~~

Fine, if Buffy can't make friends her priority, I'll just go to Xander. He lives in a basement so there's no way he'll have plans. But he's taking her side! If she needs Spike so much, why doesn't she just marry him?

"Giles, aren't you happy that Spike purposed to me? He's such a great guy and we're so perfect together and we have really hot and kinky sex "

~~~~

And who's he to say that I'll meet someone else and it'll be better? I mean, look at the winners my friends pick, maybe all relationships are just doomed to fail and go horribly wrong. And if he wants to argue that, just look at his bio: Insect Lady, Mummy Girl, Anya...he's a demon magnet.

"Why are we being attacked by demons? I wonder if this has anything to do with Willow calling me a 'demon magnet'..."

~~~~~

What does this demon mean that he heard my call? Maybe I should try for a quieter rage next time...And now he's talking about the pain I've caused. What is he tal---

What have I done? I didn't mean to; I have to help them! I don't wanna be a demon, I just want to get over my sad and help my friends.

"Pity...Well, here's my talisman in case you change your mind. And also, this keychain that says 'my friend was called upon to be a vengence demon and all they brought me was this lousy keychain.' If any of your friends survive, you can give this to one of them..."

~~~~~

"Let the healing power begin. Let my will be safe again. As these words of peace are spoken, let this harmful spell be broken."

~~~~~~

Anya: How long are you going to keep making these?
Willow: Oh, until I don't feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles' car

Willow: Eat a cookie; ease my pain?

Buffy: (Takes one, taking a bite) Mm. Better?
Willow: Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt, but only 7% of my inner turmoil. Guess that'll just take awhile.

I can haz cookie?

~~~~~

I've learned my lesson. This is the last time I'll ever use magic to solve my problems.

-Willow



Kali’s Notes:

- Buffy has seriously disturbed emotional problems. Buffy admits to Willow that she feels "real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting", and questions if a normal relationship can have the same sort of intensity. This feeling will carry her through several more seasons... actually pretty much until the end of the show. Like I said, being the Slayer really affects Buffy's life in every aspect and we really see that when it comes to her relationships.

- Can I keep Spike chained in my bathtub too?

- "Giles help! He's gonna scold me!"- Buffy

- Again, Spike being a romantic and a poet, he can see into the human soul better than others and really see how they are feeling and who they are. Willow is putting on a brave face, but he sees through it and informs rest of the gang that they are idiots because she's not dealing with Oz leaving well and is in pain.

- Giles and Spike are effing hilarious together. Seriously, they should have their own show over Angel.

Spike: “Passions" is on! Timmy's down a bloody well and if you make me miss it I'll –

Giles: You'll what? Lick me to death?

- Ok, I'm saying this once and for all- Riley is awesome. I don't get why people dislike him when he is obviously superior to Angel in every way possible. How sweet is he to invite Willow to join their picnic? It's obvious that they are on a date and things are getting pretty romantic, but he sees that she's hurting so he asks her to join to try and cheer her up. Riley FTW.

- Willow is going further down the road of using magic to try to solve all of her problems. And again there are always consequences to those actions.

- Even before Willow's spell goes aray, there is obvious sexual tension between Buffy and Spike.

- The scene where Buffy and Spike discuss wedding plans while Giles goes blind is so freaking funny, it should be shown every week. Spike attempting to help Giles and Giles ending the scene with "It's alright, I have more Scotch" made me pee a little.

- (Discussing her name being strange) Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy? Giles: Such a good question.

- Since I notice these things, Anya cut her hair! Like me, she tends to change the color and cut just about every episode.

- Again, Buffy is seriously disturbed. It doesn't take the fact that Angel went evil after having sex with her and tried to kill all her friends, came back, dumped her, and left town to make her realize that bad boys aren't all they are cracked up to be. Only after being "engaged" to Spike did she realize this and that was under the influence of a spell. Buffy, please seek help.